Peer Couples: Will They Give New Definition to the Marriage?

Though they boast about equality and freedom, all the religions and cultures have denied women the right to equality. And ever since, Adam and Eve tasted the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden, the equation of two sexes has remained unbalanced.

Women are often refereed as “Second sex,” “Weaker Sex,” and even generously called the “Fairer Sex.” And though women are worshipped or protected they are also loathed and ignored.

Daughters are still unwanted in the villages of Nepal and India, though the equation in the cities has changed in the last few years. But in the villages of Nepal, India, Pakistan and Bangladesh, they prefer a boy child to a girl child.

“Mistreatment and subjugation of women in any society seem to reflect a deeply entrenched masculine culture imposed as mainstream, and no where are these differences between men and women more evident than where they meet ? Sexuality,” most sociologist are saying.

Moreover, the dominance of male is an old story in matrimonial lives of couples which in principle contradicts liberal and modern concept of life.

Over the years, our civilization has evolved and today we have reached a stage where couples are becoming equals. However, it is only true in case of non ? traditional and non ? egalitarian couples, most observers are saying.

After eight years of married life Ritu decided to end her relationship. This reporter found that traditional plantation of masculine ego prevented her husband, Rohan from treating her as a human being.

She said, “I was like an object as if I have no life and no right to express myselfâÂ?¦ for eight years I have borne the emotional torture due to social and traditional compulsions. When I could no longer bear it, I decided to live alone and break the marriage.”

If her husband has cared to give her a breathing space and treated her as a true friend and a life partner, their married life wouldn’t have been crushed at all.

After taking to Ritu and many others like her, I felt that lack of communication and urge to understand each other can turn marriage into disaster.

Women are free and those who are not free, yearns to be free in the contemporary world. They are as educated as the male and they are working shoulder to shoulder with their male counterparts.

Education certainly has liberated women from the traditional webs and she has begun to demand her share of power in the family. And she has every right to demand after all women are the core of the family values and tradition.

However, in the midst of this all, the ancient concept of marriage has changed and the modern concepts of Peer Couples are creeping in. But who are the Peer Couples.

“Friendship exists more naturally when people are involved in each other’s lives and in this natural frame of friendship; the couples who evolve their relationship are called Peer Couples,” according to one definition.

And they say this concept of concept of married life offers a provocative picture of a new way for men and women to be together.

Meanwhile, deep knowledge of other’s personality is essential because as peers share housework, child raising and economic responsibility, they get to know each other well in broad spectrum of areas.

There is an inclination to negotiate and converse more than traditional couples because both partners have equal powers, they are less high headed, dismissive or disrespectful of each other and they have better knowledge about each other.

The peers also have better communication between them. The peer couples are good communicators who are clear about how they want to be treated and have a strong sense of fair deal.

Most of the Peer couples work outside the home. Although income level varies, one trend has emerged: peers tended to be middle ? class. There are high income peer couples but in these cases, woman’s income is as high as the man’s or even higher.

Whatever, be the couple’s income level, men and women are most successful at living equally when both partners earn almost the same amount of money.

Rajesh Sharma, an auditor got married to Dicchya, a coordinator in a reputed magazine. I asked them, “You both are in different professions. Doesn’t this hamper your married life?” Rajesh said, “We enjoy talking to each other and even after three years of marriage we have something new to say to each other.”

Amit and his wife Anupama are into business. Both of them are in the same profession but to them it has not been the reason for ego clashes.
When I asked them, Anupama revealed the secret of their happy married life, “We never let profession; interfere in our personal life. We help each other guard our trade secrets. And he is so caring that after the day’s hard work when I reach home and meet him, I feel fresh and rejuvenated.”

After listening to Anupama I learned that the secret of happiness is living together through thick and thin.

Amit said, “There is no fixed working hours in our profession therefore, any one of us, who reaches home first, prepares the dinner. In fact, they are the perfect example of what loving, caring and sharing is all about.

Though peer couple are rare in Nepal, but they are not extraordinary people with extraordinary gifts for articulating their feelings and analysing their relationships.

They are simply people with great regard for one another and a commitment to the privacy of their life. Living as peers isn’t easy but the peer couples take on life with energy and enthusiasm. They live as equals because they want to love each other as much as possible.

The time has changed and the civilization has evolved to challenge the male dominance of family. Peer marriages are gradually changing social equations in Nepal, and are creating a new social podium where men and women stand on the same platform.

It has laid the foundation of a new social structure where women will neither be worshipped nor subjugated but will be loved by men and will be treated equal by the society.