Perfectionism: Stopping People Dead in Their Tracks

I have now successfully spent another day doing absolutely everything that I could, except for the things that really needed to get done (read: the things that I get paid to do). I cleaned my room. I rearranged furniture, did laundry, redid my decor, changed my gmail settings so that now my email comes through in varying shades of purple, watched CSI, organized all my post (I get a lot of post; because I keep everything regarding correspondence of any kind, it requires organizing), finished a letter to Jon, even though I talk to him every day, rearranged my closet, took out the trash, obsessively cleaned the kitchen, played solitaire (the real kind, not that computer crap), searched online for the missing elements of my interior design style (and found them, I might add), talked to Jon for hours while doing everything else, made a list of all the things that I need to get done this weekend, stared longingly at said list, convinced firefox to do lots of other nifty things for me, plotted someones inevitable downfall, although I’ll ultimately leave it up to her own karma and then still feel horrible when she gets what’s coming to her, paired the colours blue and orange, listened to Conjure One (ft. Poe) for half an hour, alphabetized my cds/books, and sat down to write a long blog about how I never really get anything done because I’d rather do pretty much anything but that until the very last minute, when I’m a raging stress ball and am sufficiently motivated to sit down and focus not the only one who has days like this; we flinch when people call us lazy, because it’s not that we don’t do anything – we just avoid doing one or two specific things. Why? In all honestly, it’s because we believe that we can’t do it perfectly. This is the curse of perfectionism – knowing that one is fully capable to get the job done, but having lingering doubts about one’s ability to do the job perfectly and therefore getting lost in the anxiety that comes from potentially only being good, rather than great perfectionism.

It isn’t about being better than everyone else. If it were, it would probably be a good deal easier to deal with, because comparisons to others can easily be quantified. Instead, perfectionists strive to supersede an ideal, to achieve one’s personal best at any given time, which doesn’t allow any room for error or compromise. Often “all-or-none” thinkers, perfectionists would rather not put forth any effort at all if they can’t do it right. This leads to work mounting as it’s put off longer and longer, until the resulting pile of backlogged work is actually impossible for anyone to accomplish in a timely fashion you know someone haunted by these symptoms? Perhaps a loved one, or a child?

The best thing that you can do for them is to remind them that no one expects them to be perfect, and do so lovingly and calmly. A perfectionist already knows that they’re being crippled by anxiety and is likely more than aware that his or her behavior is neither rational or healthy – pointing this out will only exacerbate the problem. Sometimes just a little bit of company can work wonders. If your procrastinator has a major project due, try spending some time just hanging out in the same room, doing your own thing. The reminder that someone else is available and supportive can be enough to break through the cyclic mental barriers in which perfectionists enclose themselves.

Are you a perfectionist? Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You already know where your weaknesses are (if you didn’t, you wouldn’t really be a perfectionist, would you?) – don’t be afraid to address your shortcomings and find ways to circumvent your anxiety. And for pete’s sake – stop beating yourself up (but don’t beat yourself up that you’ve been beating yourself up, even though you’re inclined to do so). Your boss will be satisfied if your report is complete, even if you haven’t added footnotes and clip art. Your partner will still adore you if you don’t manage to finish all of the laundry. The most that anyone can ask of you is that you try your best, but first, fellow perfectionists… you must be willing to try.