Questions and Answers About Raising a Child in a Multi-Relgious Family
Many people I grew up with, though, and even members of our own family, felt that it was problematic that I was not raised in a single faith and had questions about raising a child in a multi-religious family. There are certainly pro’s and con’s to raising a child with more than one religion. This article addresses some of the commonly asked questions and misceptions about raising a child in a multi-religious family.
Q: Won’t children raised in a multi-religious family be confused?
A: Kids are pretty smart, if you explain to them what holidays mean and why you choose to celebrate them, they’ll follow along.
Q: How will a child raised in a multi-religious family know which religion to be?
A: My parents gave me a choice, and in the end I didn’t choose either of their faiths. This was very hard for them, eventhough I was always told that they would respect any choice I make. If you raise your child in a multi-religious family and tell them they can choose their own faith, please mean it. If that’s not something you are comfortable with, be clear about your expectations.
Q: Once my child chooses a faith, won’t they loose some of the culture they were raised with?
A: Why? I feel a strong strong affinity with the philosophy and culture of Judaism, it is part of my family, it is part of who I am, and always will be. Religion and heritage are not necessarily the same. Multi-religious families form their own unique and personal spiritual cultures.
Q: If my child is raised in a multi-religious family won’t it be hard for him or her to believe in God if the messages they get about God differ?
A: They’ll make up their own minds, and find their own beliefs. I know not everyone believes this, but at the end of the day, we’re all on the same path, trying to be good people and do right things, regardless of what we call God, or whether we even believe in one. Moral, ethical, thinking people come in many persuasions; raising your child in a multi-religious family is one way to emphasize this.
Q: Isn’t it my job to make sure that everyone believes (fill in the blank)?
A: I know some faiths believe this. And I know that your intentions are good. But the most you can do is give someone information and let them find their own way. Learn the line between education and proselytizing to keep peace and balance within your family. You can raise your child in a multi-religious family while also conveying to them the strength of your beliefs.
Q: Will people be mean to a multi-religious child?
A: Kids are mean. Religion is as easy a target as anything else. The way kids can be is no reason not to expose your child to the full range of its heritage.
Q: Won’t raising my child in a multi-religious household make my family mad?
A: It might, actually. Parts of my father’s family were never 100% okay with my mother being Jewish and teaching me her traditions. But people get over these things. Life is complicated. Trying to make it easy is one of the more futile battles out there.
Q: Won’t it be harder for the child raised in a multi-religious family to develop morals without a strict, definite and single set of rules?
A: Children get their morals from lots of places other than religion. And on the big stuff, most religions tend to agree. Morals are best adhered to when they are understood, when they are developed as a product of ethics, when they are followed not because one should, but because one has truly thought about them and agreed with them. Multi-religious kids have more to think about in this regard, and therefore have an opportunity to truly committ to and understand the expectations of their community and their faith.
In addition, raising your child in a multi-religious family will help it believe in tolerance (and not just religious tolerance, but tolerance of those who are different in any way) and give it a true sense of the complexity of its identity and its family.
