Representing Yourself in Court Without a Lawyer

Have you ever sat in a courtroom and wondered whether a plaintiff just has too much time on his hands and finds suing people without a cause of action a fun hobby? What about the defendant who doesn’t really see the law as something that applies to him directly but just as a mere suggestion for proper conduct? And my favorite, the clueless witness who may as well just have come off the street because she doesn’t seem to know anything that is even remotely relevant to the case.

Here is your guide to some of the most entertaining everyday small claims and misdeamenor court parties:

The Principle Plaintiff a/k/a The guy who has way too much time on his hands

These people are really entertaining. They will sue, most of the time with the help of an attorney, everyone and anyone who they think wronged them. About a minute or two into the explanation of the case, it is plainly clear that there is no case and there is no remedy. But this fact does not deter the Principle Plaintiff as they will come back time after time and waste everyone’s time just to make sure everyone around them understands how they feel about the issue. They will spend more in court costs and attorney costs than the value of the matter itself, just to make sure that their discontent with the situation goes down into public record.

The very Prepared Plaintiff a/k/a The Plaintiff with 100 pictures of the same thing at the same angle

This person just likes to waste time because it makes him feel more justified in what he’s doing. People do this all the time with evidence in small claims cases and by the time they are done trying to enter all of their exhibits you aren’t sure whether you are still in a small claims trial or a multi-million-dollar law suit. There are only so many pictures of the front windshield that you really need in order to prove that it was broken.

The Misinformed Plaintiff a/k/a The Plaintiff who sues the wrong party

This situation has more redeeming value than the previous two but is a somewhat uncomfortable situation for the party on the other side of the case. These Plaintiffs mean well and would have sued the right party had they known they were suing the wrong one in the eyes of the law and liability. Still, even after explanation, the misinformed Plaintiff usually leaves the courtroom bitter and still convinced the other party has actually caused the problem.

The Professional Defendant a/k/a The engineer or doctor without a J.D. who has suddenly become an attorney upon entering the courtroom

These defendants have some of the same characteristics as the Principle Plaintiff except they prefer to waste even more time by acting as their own attorney. The cases usually concern something like a traffic issue and the Professional Plaintiff takes his newfound profession of law extremely seriously. These Defendants are very easy to spot as they are the most confident of everyone waiting outside the courtroom before their case is called. They also have all their legal principles tabbed and labeled with absolutely no case law or passed legislation to back any of it up. They will emulate TV actors on such shows as “Boston Legal” and “Law and Order” as they question witnesses, the principle of “asked and answered” having no significance to them. The Professional Defendant, as they are looking for water, will take the horse, lead it to the desert, and bury its head in the sand before they are finished. This all looks extremely interesting to the court observers but usually tends to annoy the real lawyers trying the case and rarely amuses the Judge.

The Repeat Offender a/k/a The Defendant who views the law as most of us view banner ads

These people don’t understand that there is such a thing as the law that is in place for everyone to follow. To them, laws are mere suggestions written down in really old books which are stored in stacks at the back of the library that no one ever looks at. These people also never really make the connection between breaking the law and the consequences to such actions. Even after getting arrested several different times on several different charges, these people keep coming back for more. They cannot seem to stay out of jail or from violating their probation. Or they may just really enjoy the food served at the local jail.

The 16-year-old Traffic Citation Defendant a/k/a Those who are completely clueless as to what is going on around them

Now they can drive but common sense still does not dominate their senses. This has nothing to do with driving too fast or driving up on too many curbs, but rather just a lack of any sense of understanding which gives these people some of the same characteristics as the repeat offenders. Countless times new drivers will come before the court on such charges as tinted windows and adamantly refuse to cure the problem. They also do this in full view of their parents who are less than proudly seated in the courtroom hoping that their child won’t be the one who refuses to take down the window tints even after the Judge more than subtly suggests it.

The Clueless Witness a/k/a Witnesses who know absolutely nothing about the case

These people are somehow convinced by either their friends or attorneys to come give testimony about something to which they have absolutely no knowledge. It’s like talking to the wall except that conversation wouldn’t be in the court of law in front of the Judge, the other party and some very lucky unsuspecting court observer. This does nothing for the case of the party except prove even further that there is a lack of evidence pertaining to the exact same thing to which the witness was supposed to attest.

What do all of these people have in common? They are professional time wasters, they will always exist, and if for nothing else, they add a sometimes much needed comical value to what could otherwise be a very dull day.