Saving Children with Duct Tape

I decided to take the air condition unit out of my window yesterday. I figured it was about time since the temperature had been dipping into the 30’s for over two weeks and cardboard with duct tape makes for terrible insulation. People usually purchase additional supplies at a hardware store to install their window units such as: lumber, tools to attach window braces, foam and caulking but this is overkill if you ask me. You’ll find me purchasing additional items as well but it’s typically a roll of duct tape and maybe a diet Pepsi if I’m fortunate enough to get in the line with a beverage refrigerator. Don’t get too upset if you don’t have this in your line because a candy bar is just as lovely during the wait.

The unit is stuffed into the window opening of my apartment and usually supported by the window itself as I slide the thing into place and wedge some sort of object in the side to prevent the window from sliding. Books, plungers and broomsticks work well for this purpose. I then take the box and fashion it into the perfect size to block the opening (Do not discard leftover box because cardboard will need replaced after several rain storms). I usually replace it once during the season, but I duct tape plastic around the cardboard so additional replacements are no longer needed. After it is firmly situated in the window it is time to use your caulking (duct tape) and plaster that baby shut. I’m never afraid to use an entire roll especially if children live next door and may be playing beneath the unit. Keep the duct tape on the window ledge because it will constantly pull apart from the window and cardboard and need resealed on a regular basis.

You won’t have problems with the window unit as long as there is no severe rain or wind storms. During these times you’ll find yourself muttering, “God, I hope I used enough duct tape”, “Is that water dripping on my foot” or “Please don’t let the neighbor children be outside.” My air conditioner only sits about 6 feet off the ground so I’m quite certain it can take a fall during a storm and still be used without serious malfunctions. I don’t recommend using my method if cars are often parked below the unit or the unit sits above an easement that gets major children traffic. I have taken extra precautions in case of a fall and installed it directly above grass, nature’s own cushion.

Is duct tape really good for keeping cold air indoors? Probably not but I’ve planned ahead for such things. My bedroom is about 10×10 so I usually buy a unit with enough BTU’s to cool a small village, essentially it’s what I’m doing anyway as the air escapes into my neighborhood. I often tell my neighbor, “You’re welcome” as he looks at me with confusion. He doesn’t realize that’s not the northeasterly winds dropping his house temperature by 10 degrees each summer.

This information may be coming too late for the season, but tuck the information away for a nice warm day.

***Broke But Still Drinking will not take any responsibility for the accidental maiming of individuals or the destruction of personal property. These actions will be the sole responsibility of the air conditioner’s owner and the duct tape manufacturer.***