Sears, Ezzo or Instinct: Who’s Parenting Philosophy Do You Trust?
Dr. William Sears/Attachment Parenting:
When I began my pregnancy, Dr. Sears and his “attachment parenting” theory sounded like music to my ears. He encourages new parents to birth naturally, breastfeed, co-sleep, wear their babies in slings, and use positive discipline to correct improper behaviors. The end result of attachment parenting is, ideally, a child who feels secure in his/her family and has a trusting relationship with his/her parents.
Once I became attached to the concept of attachment parenting, I purchased The Birth Book, written by Dr. and Mrs. Sears. I was nearing the end of my pregnancy, and I was planning to have the most natural hospital birth possible. For my $12.95 plus tax, I expected to be informed, inspired, and confident that I could handle the coming events. Instead, my faith in the good doctor and his theory was shattered.
Within the first few pages of The Birth Book, Sears describes his family and explains how proud he was to be party to the births of his eight children – including the last, a baby girl he and his wife adopted. In other words, this guru of bonding, promoter of all things natural, had no qualms about interfering with the critical mother/infant relationship that he himself recognizes to begin well before birth. His hyprocritical highness saw no harm in breaking the bond between a mother and her newborn, even though doing such a thing goes directly against his advice to expectant parents.
While I still believe strongly in the benefits associated with breastfeeding, natural child-birth, slings, and positive discipline, I do not believe that Dr. Sears deserves the respect he has been given by a large segment of the parenting community. His hypocritical actions have rendered his advice meaningless to myself and other concerned parents.
Gary Ezzo/BabyWise:
Recently achieving popularity as a parenting “expert,” Gary Ezzo has sold more than one million copies of his book, On Becoming Babywise, and has released a series of additional guides for parents coping with toddlers, school-aged children, preteens, and teenagers. Though Ezzo writes with the assistance of a doctor, he is neither a doctor nor a parent himself.
The Babywise theory of parenting easily hooks new mothers and fathers by promising them that their infant can be trained to sleep through the night by eight weeks of age. Ezzo promotes the belief that it is healthy for newborns to cry as they learn to comfort themselves, and he maintains a staunch belief against feeding on demand (contrary to the advice of La Leche League International and the American Academy of Pediatrics). At the heart of Ezzo’s theory is the notion that even small babies are capable of manipulative behavior and therefore require their parents to set a firm schedule for feeding and sleep. Like the proponents of attachment parenting, Ezzo believes that children raised using his methods will grow into happy, well-adjusted adults.
It’s not difficult to see why Babywise is a popular concept – most new parents dream of the day when their children will sleep through the night, and many have a rough time adjusting to the unpredictability that goes hand-in-hand with infancy. However, parents should be cautioned that Ezzo’s methods have had disastrous results; the parent-directed feeding schedule Babywise demands has lead to a breakdown of the breastfeeding relationship (resulting in the need to supplement with formula or give up altogether), failure to thrive, and even death.
I believe that Ezzo’s advice is unnatural: new parents are biologically wired to respond to their infant’s cries, and failure to provide for their infants physical and emotional needs will only result in long-term health and psychological problems for all involved. If getting a better night’s sleep means raising a generation of “Stepford Children,” I’ll pass.
So, Who Do You Trust?
If doctors lie, and other “experts” advise arguably dangerous methods for child-rearing, who can you trust?
Trust Mother Nature, and trust yourself. As a new mother (or father), you have been biologically instilled with the knowledge required to make the best decisions for your own child. Follow your instincts. While there is nothing wrong with seeking advice from doctors and fellow parents, you should never allow so-called experts to make choices for your children. If the pediatrician suggests something that makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t feel obligated to follow her advice. You are the expert when it comes to your own children.
The best example I can give is my daughter. At nearly 2 1/2 years old, she has been reared by the only experts she needs: her father and me. We know her as deeply as we know ourselves, and we believe that our connection as a family has given us all the knowledge we need to know what is best for her. Thus far, she is the picture of health and happiness, security and self-esteem. Neither Ezzo nor Sears could do better.
