Separating the Truth From the Lies

Ever been left in the dark? Maybe you’re constantly wondering if your partner is telling you the truth. You ask them the same questions over and over trying to find holes in their story, discrepancies in the details, or an admission of guilt. Everyone goes through it at some point in their life, causing themselves more pain and heartache then necessary. So many common mistakes are made time and again that leave you clinging on to hope because you are unsure about the truth. Well draw back the shades and read on, you’re about to uncover the techniques used by professionals that will leave you armed and ready for the next time you think their lying.

The most common mistake made by people who think they are being lied to is to confront the accused liar on the spot. The accused liar then becomes defensive; speaking vaguely, talking in circles, or just plain shutting down and refusing to speak about it further. The more information you have the better. Continue the conversation and make notes of the details you think are false. Talk casually to keep them at ease and keep them talking, and don’t ask the same question more than once.

Keep track of body language, and how they answer your questions when accused of lying. Liars won’t make eye contact or physical contact with you and will often even move further away. When they answer your questions, they will often use the same wording as you. For example, you ask “Did you work late last night?” A liar would say, “Yes I worked late last night.” On the other hand, a person telling the truth would simply say “Yes.” A liar will also add more information than needed. Instead of just saying yes, they will say something like “Yes, you know I have to work late a lot.”

Watch their mood and expressions as the conversations furthers. If they seem reluctant and moody while being questioned and then happy and more relaxed when the subject changes they are hiding something. Liars often have limited expressions, are not comical while talking, use limited hand movements, and can even appear angry.

Were they expecting your doubts or accusations? A liar will normally be very deliberate in their answers, as they already have the explanation planned out. Liars will also ask if you believe them. A truthful person expects that you will believe them because they have nothing to hide and are confident. A liar constantly doubts themselves and their stories as believable and wants to make sure you believe them.

Ask questions that don’t sound accusing and pay attention to the way they answer them. For example, don’t come out and say “Did you do anything last night at the party you weren’t suppose to?” Instead say “So did anything interesting happen last night at the party?” If a person is lying they will want to know why you’re asking. A liar’s response may be “No, why do you ask?” because they want to know if you might already know something. A truthful person would just say “Yes, so and so did this” or “No, not really.”

Bring up topics that relate to their guilt without using them as the subject. For example, if you think your partner lied about working late and attending a party instead you might say “Jill told me last night that John lied about working late when he went to a party instead, can you believe that?.” If they are reluctant to discuss the situation or defend the guilty person they are probably guilty themselves. An innocent person would want to discuss the situation because they are at ease having nothing to hide.

Never tell a person what you already know to be facts. If you know your partner was not at work because you called and were told they weren’t, don’t reveal this. Ask questions to get more information and have them contradict themselves before they find out what you already know. It is much easier to get the truth out of someone who has already been caught and hasn’t had a chance to make up another lie.

Make them believe that it is not of importance to you. If you say “It’s not a big deal, I just wanted to discuss it so we could move on” you are likely to get a truthful response. You can also try telling them you can’t discuss it right now because you are too angry or hurt. An innocent person will want to discuss it now because they are upset you are accusing them of something they didn’t do. A liar will say something like “whatever” and gladly change the subject, not being affected by it.

There are many ways to catch a lie and get the truth from a liar. These techniques represent the easiest ways to stop them in their tracks and make them spill it all, or at least arm you with the right information to not fall victim to a liar any longer. The biggest things you have to remember are to always examine the facts, keep your cool, and trust your instincts.