Should You Use the Internet to Find Someone from Your Past?

The Internet is a powerful tool and, as with all things powerful, it sometimes needs to be handled with kid gloves. Because such a wealth of information is available on the Internet, it is easier than ever to try to track down someone that you used to know. When doing so, however, you may need to step back to ask yourself exactly what it is that you are looking for.

If you are considering using the Internet to find someone from your past, keep in mind that it will most likely result in one of two things: a happy online reunion or the opening of a can of worms. Before you begin your search, you should think it through carefully and ask yourself the following questions.

What is it I am looking for?
Can I emotionally handle contacting this person?
Can other people be hurt if I contact this person?
What am I expecting as a result of my search?

What is it I am looking for? Do you have important news to share with this person or are you just trying to reconnect? Perhaps you have unanswered questions that you need to ask this person– or maybe you even need closure or to make amends. Whatever your reasons are, make sure that you reconcile with yourself why you feel the need to find this person.

Can I emotionally handle contacting this person? Did this person hurt you deeply in the past? Will contacting him or her open old wounds for you? Make sure that you can handle a reaction– or a rejection– from this person.

Can other people be hurt if I contact this person? Bringing people from you past back into your life is bound to affect the people you love. If you are married, does your spouse know that you plan to search for this person? If you are trying to contact an old flame, do you know if he or she is married and could it cause friction in his or her household?

What I am expecting as a result of my search? Do you just want to say hi and touch base or are you looking for a full-on reunion? Do you want this person back in your life permanently or do you just want to catch up and make it known that you still think about him or her. Make sure you yourself understand just exactly what you are looking for or you may find yourself disappointed.

Getting Started

With online reunion and people finder sites, contacting that long lost person from your past may be as easy as an e-mail away. In fact, there are many more ways to begin your search.

Google Phonebook Search. By typing the party’s full name and the state that you think they may live in (example Joe Smith PA), you may be able to come up with a telephone number and address using Google’s phonebook search. Once you get this information, just be sure to ask yourself what do you plan to do with it?

Classmates.com or other online “reunion” sites. Classmates.com is a good site to check out– especially if you are looking for a female whose last name may have changed since you last spoke. Interested parties register with Classmates with the name that they used in school. By doing a search of the school that the person attended (either high school or college) you may be able to find out that Mary Smith is now Mary Phillips. By purchasing a Gold membership you Classmates, you will be entitled to extra benefits such as the ability to send the person an e-mail (don’t worry– your personal e-mail information is never given to anybody– Classmates forwards the e-mails between you and the other party). If the person you are looking for is not registered with Classmates, consider contacting a friend or relative that did register. Mary Smith Phillips may not have registered with the site, but maybe her brother Jim Smith did– and hopefully he will know his sisters whereabouts.

Genealogy websites. Many family’s list their family information on genealogy websites. You may be able to track someone down by e-mailing the contact person for the family’s genealogy website.

People search websites. There are many websites that may be able to provide detailed information about the person you are looking for, but it often comes at a hefty price. With sites that offer background checks and lists of known addresses, you may even be able to find out more than you ever wanted to know. Before going this route, ask yourself how you would feel if someone went to great lengths to search for you– would you feel flattered or instead a little creeped out? Also, be forewarned that many of these sites charge a hefty fee to use their services– with no guarantee that you will turn up any real results. In lieu of pay-per-view sites, try to find as much information as you can for free with public records sites like The Social Security Death Index, county public records sites and via online newspaper archives.

Other search tips. If you just don’t know where to begin, try just doing a search of the party’s name in a powerful search engine like Yahoo or Google. If you know important information about the person, like the state he or she is living in or an occupation or interest, try to include extra keywords in your search (example Dr. John Smith or Mary Phillips teacher).

Prepare yourself for the unexpected. If you are searching for a person that you have not talked to in 40 years, keep in mind that a lot can happen in four decades. The person could be completely different from when you knew him or her. He or she could also be ill or, sadly, may have even passed away. You need to prepare yourself for news that you may not want to hear, just in case.

Finally, remember that you and this person lost touch for a reason. Whether it was a falling out or a move across the country or the fact that you just grew apart, if you will be dredging up a painful part of your past by contacting this person, you may want to rethink the idea. It is a big emotional risk to delve into your past, so search your soul to come up with the answers — then follow your instincts.