Surviving Two Children under 2
Parenting two children under the age of two isn’t a new concept. In past generations many families consisted of children very close in age, but with today’s many choices in family planning and birth control, modern families tend to space their children out a bit more.
What happens when family spacing doesn’t happen quite as you had planned? Or perhaps you did plan for two under two. Where do families with children very close in age go to for advice? Unfortunately and surprisingly the options are pretty limited.
When I became pregnant with my 2nd child my 1st child was only 4 months old. I had just gotten used to the idea of being a mom, now I would be the mom of two, 13 months apart. I wondered if I could really do this. I searched for books, articles, and others in the same situation for advice and guidance, but really didn’t find any resources, other than the odd Internet message board dedicated to the subject, which seemed to be filled with other mothers just as dazed and confused as I was.
What about all those MD’s, PhD’s and experts that write all those books for first time parents that I poured over? Where were they, when I needed reassurance? Did they not think that after first babies are born there are often second babies and sometimes thirds and more? There were a few references of siblings in some of these parenting books, but rare was the book dedicated to second children, and forget about finding anything on children under two years in separation. When anything was mentioned about children spaced very close together it was usually a warning of something not to do. Now that I was already pregnant with my 2nd, that recommendation was not useful at all!
My second child was a very happy surprise for her dad, myself and her Ã?¯Ã?¿Ã?½big’ brother, she was very much wanted and desired, but she just came a bit earlier than expected. So what now? I did as all mothers have done before me – Ã?¯Ã?¿Ã?½Wing It’. Through trial and error I discovered ways to get things done, from bathing them both at the same time, to giving each one as much attention as I possibly could, to managing to go to the grocery store and actually buy groceries when the cart was already full of babies, to throwing a 40th birthday party for my husband when my daughter was only a few weeks old. Life doesn’t stop or pause because you have a child. I just put my head down and charged right through.
First time moms often tell me they don’t know how they would be able to handle another child so close in age, but what are my choices? I mean do I have an option of not doing it? Of course not. And it’s not as easy as it looks sometimes. I get frustrated and overwhelmed; at times I’m absolutely clueless as to what to do. But I think this would be the case if my children were 13 months apart or 13 years apart. A lot of other mothers have much heavier loads than I have, from multiple birth babies to special needs children. I try to count my blessings before I count my burdens.
Being a mother is truly the hardest job in the world, and when you are a stay at home mom there is always someone pushing and pulling on you, wanting to be held, wanting your undivided attention, there are no coffee or lunch breaks, no long commutes so that you can have a thought yourself, even bathroom breaks usually involves one or both kids peering curiously at you. And the working mom has a whole other set of challenges. Being a mother is also the most rewarding, beautiful gift that you can ever receive; I now know what my most important role is – to try to be a good mother to my children.
Now that several of my friends are having their 2nd children, I see myself in their eyes. They have the same worries that I had, the same concerns and are all looking for answers just like I was. Granted their children won’t be as close in age as mine are, but we all still face the same issues. OK, their first children will at least all be walking (my son didn’t walk until he was 15 Ã?½ months old – little stinker!), and they will be a bit more independent, but who is to say that they won’t have a harder time of it? My son was so young when my daughter was born that he was barely aware that there was another presence in the house. My friends’ first children are all used to being the only child, the center of the universe, they will certainly be aware of another child trying to sneak in and gain their parents affection.
In the end we have to be confident that even when there is little advice – or too much advice, whether it’s our first child, second or more, love, patience and common sense are our most important parenting skills. Oh yeah, bribery doesn’t hurt either.
