Surviving an Affair: Seeing the Two Sides of Infidelity
New Relationships and Communication
When entering into a new relationship, people need to make their expectations clear from the very beginning. Although people assume their significant other will be faithful, communicating those expectations is very important. Doing so begins to form lines of communication that will hopefully remain open at all times. It is important to make it clear that under no circumstances is infidelity acceptable. The consequence of infidelity, as well as other matters, should also be discussed honestly and openly.
Causes of Infidelity
The causes of infidelity are as varied as the people involved. Some people blame infidelity on their innocent spouse or significant other when in fact they are either partially or even fully at fault. They use reasons varying from the person not being available enough, to the person being around too much. If an unhappy person wants out of a relationship or wants to have an extracurricular fling, they will attempt to justify their unfaithfulness any way they can. They naturally want to appear innocent and faultless in the eyes of their friends and family, and they will try to magnify their partner’s deficiencies in order to make them look entirely guilty. In rare instances, the fault is completely one-sided, but in most cases both parties are to blame for problems in the relationship. Either they are partially to blame for somehow contributing to the neglect of the relationship, or they are guilty of not attempting to maintain open communication when problems first arise. With this in mind, there are no causes or reasons that fully excuse or justify infidelity.
Reactions
People react differently when they find out their spouse or significant other has been unfaithful. Some react with anger and aren’t willing to forgive, while others are willing to save the relationship at all costs. Initial feelings of desperation and forgiveness quite often turn into anger and resentment as time goes by. With this in mind, those who find themselves asking for forgiveness after being unfaithful should not assume all will be well if their spouse or significant other initially wants to save the relationship. After reality has fully set in, he or she may realize their feelings for that person have permanently changed. Once feelings have changed, the relationship may never again be the same.
Revenge
As the old saying goes, one good turn deserves another, but some people think that one bad turn also deserves another. Revenge is a very self-destructive way to deal with infidelity. Finding out a spouse or significant other has been unfaithful tempts some to try and get back at that person by also having an affair. They think they will feel better after hurting the offender in the same manner in which they were hurt. In reality, the person initially deceived by their spouse or significant other will end up feeling even more pain in the long run, and any chances to save the relationship will be even further out of reach. Having a vengeful affair not only uses another innocent person with feelings, but it puts the final nails in the coffin of the relationship.
Why Me?
Due to various circumstances, some people were never meant to be together in the first place, and nothing could prevent the decline of the relationship. In other cases outside influences and situations were partially to blame for the demise of the situation. Whatever the circumstances that surround the breakdown of a relationship, those involved must examine the root of the problem. If it is determined that the couple should have never been together in the first place, it’s best they part ways. Those who find themselves understanding what went wrong can work toward repairing the damage. Although the trust that initially held the relationship together may never again be as strong, it is possible for a couple to survive infidelity and learn from past mistakes. Our past mistakes make us stronger so we may learn and grow as either individuals or as couples.
