THE FANTASTIC FOUR: An Argument For Losers?
Anyways, this perhaps too-self-congratulatory opening was all an indirect way of saying that I never spent any time with comic books. One friend tried to show me a comic book one time, I think, but it didn’t go very well. I mostly made fun of people who liked them; sit-coms gave me a pretty good playbook so it was easy pickings.
Then Jessica Alba showed up*. Suddenly the nerds are holding all the cards, and there I was in the third row opening weekend like a pathetic loser.
And thank God I was. My steady streak of pleasantly surprising studio pics is making it very difficult to be a cine-cynic. But when someone puts Jessica Alba and Chris Evans on the same screen, who the hell would want to be a cine-cynic?
Actually, let me skip to something � CHRIS EVANS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ACTOR IN HOLLYWOOD. Fuck that- he is the most important person on Earth. My experience with Mr. Evans as an actor has finally reached trilogy status. I, like many of you, met him as the little fish in a big shadow (yeah, he was good enough to mix metaphors), trying to mock Freddie Prinze, Jr. in NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE.
That’s like when your older brother invites you to play pick-up with him and his friends, and puts you at point guard. Then you score the game winning basket and make out with his best friend’s girlfriend, who modeled “a little bit.” No, seriously.
The second time around was in CELLULAR, an improbably S-B-G movie (So Bad it’s Good), propped up of course by Young Christopher. He know he can play the farce to perfection, and post-CELLULAR we all learned that he can also play the straight man to Kim Bassinger’s (accidental) Farley. Well, that’s probably a revisionist’s interpretation of the film.
And now FANTASTIC FOUR rolls around. He actually gets to play a sort of standard role for a comedic actor (if you discount the fact that he kept bursting into flames). He gets the one-liners that he’s earned, and knocks them far out of the park every single time. I really think he is the one to watch.
Jessica Alba âÂ?¦ well, I don’t think I’m going to surprise anyone by saying this, but, she looked very pretty (I actually think I’ve said that before). I would offer this bit of advice to director Tim Story: when you are working with the prettiest woman in Hollywood, don’t build a plot line around her turning invisible (even if – or, by my sense of humor, especially if – it is integral to the story).
She had to act a little more than I would have liked, but in comic book movies the bar isn’t exactly set in the stratosphere (though I don’t think that she’ll take offense to this based on an interview she put in Rolling Stone; the lady’s got some spunk).
Also, the only non-attractive person in the movie was the consensus wild card (among the person with whom I saw it and I). Michael Chiklis does a tremendous job holding the whole thing together in a very subtle way. If there was any sense of justice in judging supporting actors, you might see his name when Oscar comes calling (though don’t count on it).
The villain will bother you, not because he’s particularly villainous, but because you will be trying to figure out where else you’ll have seen him. I’ll save you the trouble: Julian McMahon is the guy from NIP/TUCK. Now you can judge him on his villainous merits instead (and please, do let me know how he did).
So, here it is âÂ?¦ in the wake of BATMAN BEGINS, in the wake of STAR WARS III, in the wake of SIN CITY, I have to ask myself: are comic books for real, at least in movies? They’ve got Jessica Alba, they’ve got Katie Holmes, they’ve got Natalie Portman (and they’ve got a list of ridiculously hot women so long as to be absurd – including JESSICA ALBA) respectively. READ THAT AGAIN!
It looks like the nerds are winning. They’ve also got the best writing of the summer, notably excluding Lucas. But he was only included on account of being significantly more pathetic than any comic book guy. They were, each and every, genuinely pleasant movie going experiences. Well, SIN CITY wasn’t really pleasant in any way, but it was quite violent and kick ass always.
Anyway, FANTASTIC FOUR is the gold standard of comic book movies in my book. If you don’t like it, then you’re probably a communist. Or perhaps a fascist. Plus, you have a duty to go see it. Stan Lee got an Exec Prod credit on this one, so it seems he will finally be paid for all of the fine comic-book-to-film experiences you’ve had since the concept has fallen into vogue (though hopefully not into Vogue – that would be something of an embarrassment to the world of standards).
* = This is a terrible lie. I have been enjoying comic book adaps. since Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson thought they were cool.
