Talking Dirty: A Beginner’s Guide to Sex Talk
Read erotic fiction.
If you’re not intially comfortable vocalizing certain thoughts during sex, erotic fiction is a good place to start. Let someone else’s words be your dirty talk until you find your own voice. Look for a compilation of short erotica like Best American Erotica 2005 or Herotica to start, then settle in with your partner and take turns reading out loud. The stories should be short enough to get through in under ten minutes. That way, if a particular story doesn’t do it for you, you can move on to the next one.
Take turns erotically stimulating the reader or engaging in masturbatory activities while being read to. Or sit back and relax and use the story as foreplay.
Describe what you want.
To actually begin talking dirty to your partner, try describing what you want your partner to do to you. Or, tell your partner what you’re going to do to him. Words like “harder” and “faster” come in handy (no pun intended). Begin your sentences with “I want you to…” and fill in the blank. Here are Mad-libs to get you started.
1. Lick / suck / kiss my breast / elbow / forehead/ stomach.
2. I’m going to verb your body part until you verb.
3. Please verb me adverb.
Vocalize appreciation for things that feel good.
If it feels good, tell your partner. Dirty talk doesn’t have to be vulgar or explicit if you don’t want it to be, you can simply express what is already happening in bed. “That feels good” and “Keep doing that” are always nice to hear, but go one step further by explaining the “that” in erotic terms. Here are some fill-in-the-blanks to get you talking dirty.
1. I love the way you ______________.
2. It makes me feel _________ when you ___________.
3. You’re so good at ___________ .
4. You know just how to ___________ to make me __________ .
Anticipate your orgasm.
Some people get all hot and bothered by their partner’s orgasm, so why not talk about it? Tell your partner when you are about to climax and how badly you want to orgasm. You might find that expressing anticipation of your orgasm helps you and your partner achieve simultaneous results.
Define off-limit words and subjects.
Everyone’s got words that make them cringe. For many women, the c-word (the one that technically refers to the vulva) is offensive and an immediate turn-off. Other women love it and say it themselves. Talk to your partner about words that are off-limits and their preferred dirty talking terms for acts and anatomy.
Similarly, if you and your partner express fantasies to each other, make sure you aren’t touching upon painful memories. For example, a man with sexual abuse in his past doesn’t want to hear your fantasy where you pretend to be his perverted relative spying on his adolescent self in the bathtub. Like with all sexual acts, talking dirty is supposed to be a lighthearted and fun way to turn each other on, so keep it feeling safe and healthy for both of you.
For more on Sex Talk, read “How To Give instructions During Sex” by Associated Content.
