Talking to Your Tween About Sex

I thought I was speechless when my 9 year old daughter said to me at Walmart referring to her step dad and baby sister Abigail, “Mama, so what you were saying is that you and Steve had sex to make my baby sister, right?”. This was not the time or place to expand on our earlier discussion, so I did as any good parent would do, I changed the subject. When we returned home, we once again had the “sex” talk.

What I was not prepared for was her most recent question, “Mama, if two women have the “s” word, can they make a baby?”. Out of the mouths of babes! So, what is a parent to do?

I have found the best approach is honesty, and at this point in their young lives, give as little information as possible. Now, I am not saying avoid the subject, but at this point in their development they are more interested in a direct approach without a full biology lecture.

Laugh if you must, but she being my firstborn, sadly I tried to demonstrate during our first sex talk with two teddy bears. Do not try this at home. I think I may have scarred my child for life. She has yet to let that go, and when do have discussions on the subject, she continues to beg me not to use the bears. Lesson learned. Come on now, I am learning as I go!

Books and videos are helpful if you are uneasy taking the direct approach. In our society our children are bombarded with sex. No matter how we try to protect them and shield them from outside influences, it is inevitable. I may not have all the answers, but I do feel like I must be doing a good job in keeping the lines of communication open. At least for now, my tween daughter feels comfortable enough to come to me to discuss her questions.

In my opinion, the worst thing you can do as a parent is to avoid the subject all together. They are going to learn about it somewhere, and majority of what they learn will be from their own clueless peers. Save you and your child heartache, bite the bullet and talk to your child. Let them get their information from you. If you do not know an answer to a particular question, admit that you do not know and find out from another source. It is perfectly alright to let your child know that sometimes you actually do not know everything!

Communication is key. Yes you can do this. No, it definitely will not be easy but I have no doubt we will get through this phase. Be there for your kids. You talk to them honestly about drugs, alcohol, smoking and talking to strangers, so talk to them about the “s” word. You are their greatest teacher!