Teaching Etiquette to Children
Have you ever spent days looking for the perfect gift for your niece, then spent an afternoon finding the perfect gift wrap and mailing it off to her and never known if it arrived at it’s destination?
Have you ever called a business associate only to have their four-year-old answer the phone and prattle on to you for fifteen minutes about how Mommy and Daddy are wrestling in the bedroom?
These are all common situations that happen every day in American society. They are inconvenient, inappropriate, embarrassing and can be avoided if parents simply take the time to teach their children a few simple social graces.
Introductions
We all hope that our children will be popular and have plenty of friends, but few parents teach their children the first step in making friends: the introduction. Many of us assume that introductions are natural things that need not be taught, but the fact of the matter is that few children are taught to say: “Hi. My name is Teddy. What’s your name?” Teaching your child how to do this will equip him with the most important tool necessary to making friends. And let’s not forget how wonderful your child can make another child feel just by saying: “Hi. My name is Teddy. Would you like to play with me?” These simple introductions can make a hug difference in not one, but two children’s lives. Teaching them to your child is a must!
To avoid that awkward situation of having a strange child traipsing through your house, the next introduction that your child should be taught is how to introduce their friends to you. According to Emily Post, introductions follow a particular protocol. The person being presented should be the person lowest in rank or stature. That means that my son, Teddy, should present his friend Travis to me. Simply put, he should say: “Mom, this is my friend Travis.” Then, of course, I would reply: “It’s a pleasure to meet you Travis, you may call me Mrs. Peach.” Far too many adults make the mistake of allowing children to address them in the familiar and use their first name. I wouldn’t dream of allowing my son to call me “Lisa”, so I certainly wouldn’t tolerate his peers addressing me by my first name either. They may call me “Mrs. P” or “Mrs. Peach” and those are their only choices! So, when your child has a new friend over and forgets to introduce them to you, make sure that you prompt them to do so. Rather than reprimanding them in front of a friend, simply say: “Teddy, I don’t believe I’ve met your friend.” That should do the trick nicely. Teaching your children to introduce their friends to you is not only good for your children’s and their friends’ social skills, it is also a great way for you to get to know who they are spending their time with. In this day and age, knowing who your children’s’ friends are can make the key difference in who your children grow up to be.
As parents, our social circles tend to orbit around our children. In fact, our children become our greatest source of new friends. No, I don’t mean all those five-year-olds that spent the night at your house last Saturday. I do mean the parents of all those five-year-olds. If you’ve taught your child properly, he will have insured that his friends have introduced him to their parents when he has visited their homes. If his friends didn’t know how to introduce him to their parents, he will have hopefully taught them how to do so or, at the very least, introduced himself to his friends’ parents. So the next time I am at a soccer game and an adult says hello to my son, I’ll expect my son to say “Mom, this is Mrs. Brown, Travis’ Mom.” At that point, I would thank my son (positive reinforcement for positive actions) and say to Mrs. Brown: “So nice to meet you. Call me Lisa.” At this point, I would hope that Mrs. Brown would reciprocate in kind. Our society may be a bit more casual than all of this but, if we know the children that our children are spending time with AND we know the parents of those children, we can easily gauge what sort of influences are affecting our own children when they are outside the safe walls of our own homes. Although we may have to accept that peer pressure is a very real aspect of our children’s lives, we needn’t surrender to it completely as a matter of fact. By knowing the people are little ones are associating with, we can understand the influences that will affect them and address them before they become a problem.
The Simple Thank You
I have two nieces and a nephew and every year on their birthdays and Christmas, I am sure to send them a gift. I wouldn’t dream of forgetting such a thing. However, every year after each birthday and Christmas, I wonder if they ever received my gift. You see, I never receive a phone call, email or note saying that they received it, much less to mention any thanks. My personal policy is to send $1 to any child that has the courtesy to send me a Thank You note but, as yet, have never had to spend a dollar on the process. Perhaps I should tell the children about my policy? Anyway, if a far away friend or relative sends your child a gift, gently prompt them to write a Thank You note and then insure that the note is addressed, stamped and mailed within at least two weeks of receipt of the item. If your child can’t write yet, consider having them call their benefactor and thanking them over the phone. Modern technology has also provided another option for the Thank You note – electronic mail (e-mail). If you child has their own email address and can chat with their friends online, there is absolutely no reason why they can’t send Aunt Lisa a simple note saying: “Thank you for the computer. I really like it.” A Thank You note need not be any more complicated than that! You may also want to remind your children that people who don’t at least hear a Thank You after sending a gift rarely continue to send gifts to thankless children.
Just a side note for those parents of children who receive cash gifts:
Never let the gift giver see that you’re simply pocketing your child’s good fortune. There is nothing more disconcerting to an adult to see that little Amy’s cash gift, meant for her shopping enjoyment, has simply been pocketed for Daddy’s beer fund. If you don’t want the child to spend the money then start a savings account for them and deposit any cash gifts directly into that account. My bank let me start a savings account for my son as soon as he had a Social Security Number. At the tender age of six weeks, my son had a savings account that he will not have access to until he turns eighteen. There was no minimum balance for this account and there are no fees to maintain it. Every cash gift he receives is promptly deposited into that account and I dare say he has a larger savings account than I do at this point!
Talking on the Telephone
If your child is old enough to understand the mechanics of answering a telephone, they are old enough to be taught how to do it properly. Imagine how you might feel if you are waiting for a very important call about a job interview only to have your child answer the phone and tell your prospective employer that you and your spouse are in the bedroom “wrestling”. Embarrassed perhaps? If a child must answer the phone, they should simply say: “Hello, Peach residence.” When the caller asks for the person they called for, your child should be able to identify the appropriate person and say: “One moment please”, then retrieve that person. If your child can’t manage these two phrases and the retrieval of someone to take a phone call, then your child should not be allowed to answer your phone. In this case, you’re better off to let your voice mail pick up the call and take a message. If you believe your child is up to the task of answering the phone, test them. Have different friends call you and let your child answer the phone; then get reports from your friends on how the child did. If they pass the test, they can answer the phone. If they don’t pass the test, they should practice a bit more on a toy phone or by role playing with you before they try it again.
By teaching your children these few simple social graces, you can avoid many inconvenient, inappropriate and embarrassing situations while teaching your children valuable social lessons that they’ll be able to call upon for the rest of their lives.
