Ten Reasons Why You Should Not Buy the New War of the Worlds DVD
Usually big budget summer movies fail to live up to the hype that surrounds their release. Gone are the days where acting takes center stage in such films. Now it is all about effects, sex, and appealing to the lowest common denominator. Classic summer movies, made with stunning quality, like E.T., Die Hard, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Batman, and more, are very rare any more. We live in an era where movie budgets routinely top $100 million, yet they aren’t worth 10 cents. We also live in a time where Hollywood cannot come up with many new and original ideas. This means that there will be numerous remakes in the theaters. War of the Worlds was no different on any level. With that in mind, let me present to you the ten reasons that you should not buy the new War of the Worlds DVD.
#10) It’s a remake. Can you honestly name two movie remakes that were worth watching? 10 Angry Men (starring Tony Danza) was amazing, and that’s all I can think of right now. When I first heard that Steven Spielberg was remaking War of the Worlds, I had high hopes. After watching it, I want my money back. I am now returning to my time-honored rule of not watching any movie that is a remake. The original version was so much better.
#9) The book is better. This one goes without saying. All books are better than their movie counterparts, with the possible exception of The Green Mile. This doesn’t mean that movies adapted from books are always bad (like remakes usually are), most adaptations are well done, but the book is always better. Read the book.
#8) Steven Spielberg, the director, is better than this. Mr. Spielberg is a genius. He is the greatest storyteller of our time. He is responsible for some of the best movies in the history of cinema; The Goonies, E.T., Jaws, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Schindler’s List, and the list just keeps going. How his name got attached to a piece of junk like this War of the Worlds movie is beyond me.
#7) It costs $20. Most DVDS cost $20, but most DVDS that people buy are worth watching at least once. Do not buy this DVD without first watching it elsewhere. If you do, you will be disappointed and want your $20 back. Too bad you won’t get it, though.
#6) Tom Cruise. I am not one of those mindless people who will boycott all Tom Cruise movies just because he bounces around on sofas or because he is a Scientologist. I can actually make up my own mind. I don’t care what the actor’s personality or religion is, if the movie is good, I’ll watch it. In War of the Worlds, however, Tom Cruise is laughable. His performance is his weakest since Far and Away. His character was overshadowed by the aliens (which are coming up later on the list). His character comes across as the luckiest character in movie history, and he just seems uncomfortable in the role. On the plus side, he does drive an amazing car in the movie.
#5) Good reviews from jaded critics. This movie received generally positive reviews from the majority of critics. Search online, on websites like Rotten Tomatoes, somehow the movie was liked. Maybe they were watching a different movie than I saw. I don’t know. Some critics will give favorable reviews to any movie made by, or starring, certain celebrities, just to seem cool, or to stay in good graces with them. Trust me, this movie is horrible. Jason Whitlock, of the Kansas City Star, and often on ESPN, said that this is the “worst movie ever” and that it is “two hours of you life that you can’t get back”. Truer words have never been spoken about a movie.
#4) Too many special effects. This whole CGI thing has to be stopped. Computer generated images in film are ruining the way movies can be made. They totally ruined the newer Star Wars movies and hey are in part responsible for ruining War of the Worlds. Effects are gimmicks. They are good if done in moderation but when they encompass the entire film, it is pathetic. Plus they look cheesy here.
#3) The aliens are ridiculous. They are all through the movie. They, at one moment, are the size of a building, and the next they are human sized. They are unmotivated, reckless, and just plain look bad. Much more work should have, and could have, gone into their design. Where did all the hundreds of millions of dollars that were spent on making this movie go?
#2) The ending. Not to ruin it for you, but it is completely ‘Hollywood-ized’. It seems so unrealistic, compared with what happens in the rest of the film, that you, too, will be laughing as the credits begin to roll.
#1) Dakota Fanning. I know that she is just a child. I know that she was very good in I Am Sam. I know that many may attack me for criticizing a child, but I cannot help it. Her performance in the movie, mainly her screaming, is so awful, so unbearable, so utterly bad, that I was actually hitting the mute button every time she opened her mouth. When she screamed, and it is very often, the shrill sounds made the hammer, anvil, and stirrup bones in my ear bend to the point of snapping. She has the most awful screech you’ve ever heard.
If that weren’t bad enough, and it is, her acting is delivered with such an air of pretentiousness that it makes you wonder why she wasn’t listening to Radiohead, drinking an overpriced latte, wearing a new Izod polo shirt under a cashmere cardigan, and thumbing her nose at anything mainstream throughout the entire film.
I don’t know how an actress of such a young age can accomplish this? Perhaps it means she is talented? Just not in War of the Worlds. The only talent here is when I simultaneously wretched a dry heave while saying, “This movie is the worst thing I’ve ever seen”, at the same time. Bad, bad, bad.
