The 78th Academy Awards: Mostly Boring, Sometimes Funny, Not Gay Enough
The night started off on the right the foot when Stewart stayed away from the obvious Brokeback Mountain jokes in favor of showing a hilarious reel of quasi-gay moments from Westerns of the past. The clips which showed men winking at one another and making vague references that, when taken in this context, seemed very homosexual was a great way to kick off the night. It was a subtle way to make light of the obvious gay undertones of the evening; between Brokeback, Capote, and Transamerica there was plenty to be said of the theme.
But as soon as they started dishing out awards, the whole thing went downhill. George Clooney accepted the first Oscar for Best Supporting Actor and didn’t he just seem so cool. And I realize that that’s his MO and everything, but can’t you just seem humble one time; just this one time. It was Clooney’s first oscar yet he acted like it was his 15th.
The show staggered onward from there with the presentation of about a thousand Oscars for editing, sound, effects, costume, and set design. For such a long show, it’s amazing how little of it is actually devoted to celebrities, yet every year most of America tunes in for 3+ hours to watch nervous no-names accept awards for their behind the scenes efforts.
The most entertaining of these non-celebs were the two winning teams who employed props into their acceptance speeches. The French guys who made the super-cute documentary March of the Penguins actually showed up on stage with big stuffed penguins. The first guy to speak actually attempted to speak in Penguin; his English was not much better. But they were very likeable and seemed extremely flattered and earnest, which was nice to see.
The duo behind the Best Animated Pic, Wallace and Gromit, showed up wearing gigantic matching bowties and during their acceptance they pulled out mini bowties of the same design and proceded to don Oscar with a new look. Oscar could not be reached for comment to see if he appreciated the new digs.
In lieu of any excitement during the afore mentioned “boring part” of the show, one can usually expect to see a montage or two of some really compelling movie footage of the past. But instead viewers were treated (or tourtured) with some of the worst reels ever thrown together by the Academy Awards people. It seemed like they paid some high school student five bucks to throw these things together in his video production class on Thursday of last week. There was at least 5 of these horrendous clipshows, the worst being one dedicated to historic causes in film history; which for some odd incuded several scense from Thelma and Louise.
But if the horrible montages and boring acceptance speeches attempted to ruin the 2006 Oscars, Stephen Colbert tried to save it all by himself. The host of Comedy Central’s The Colbert Report (and formerly of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart) was not actually in attendance. He didn’t need to be. He was the voice (and perhaps the brain) of the hilarious mock campaign ads that aired throughout the night. One such ad featured fake testimonials from English “Dames” speaking out against the evil Dame Judi Dench. They were all funny and it makes you wonder if ABC should have turned of the entire show over to the Comedy Central people.
However, that was not the case, and the tedious event rolled on. In the Best Song category, now only three nominees deep, the Academy really tried to show how cool they were by nominating a trio of the most diverse acts they could find. Dolly Parton represented the South and Conservative America with her country sylings, some lady who wrote a song for Crash was there for the light rock Middle, and the Three 6 Mafia was there in all their glory for the youth and urban culture. And who would of thought it, the Three 6 Mafia won for their classic “It’s Hard Out There For a Pimp”. Boy, it sure is; but it wasn’t hard for these rappers to accept the award. They stormed on stage in T-shirts, ball caps, and jeans; rowdy and out of place. It was a great scence to behold and most of the Hollywood audience just looked scared.
The rest of the so-called big awards went of without a hitch as every single favorite won, leading me to believe that the show was some how fixed. If the oddsmakers at the horse track had this kind of luck, there’d be alot of horsies out to pasture (if you know what I mean). The lone surprise, and albeit a big one, came at the very end of the night, when the Best Film award went to Crash and not Brokeback Mountain.
Proving once and for all that mainstream Hollywood still has room in their heart for some good old homophobia. Sorry gay cowboys of the world, maybe next year.
