The Art of Moving
Nothing can dim the glow of owning a new home. Well, nothing except the moving part. It may seem daunting to some as it is a big job and the general rule is: the longer you live somewhere the more crap you accumulate. I’ve moved eleven times since I’ve been married and now I have it down to an art. I have one simple rule: L.I.P. It stands for Luck, Intoxication & Procrastination.
Luck is definitely something you need. With luck you will get rid of all those things your husband has ‘needed’ in the garage but hasn’t looked at in three years. Or those broken toys your children insist on keeping. Do not wait until the last minute to clean out your garage/closets/storage bins; that will be the first thing you should do. I recommend throwing anything out that you haven’t used in a year, including clothes, furniture, kitchenware and that bottle of Drakkar Noir from the 80’s.
Yard sales, donation or foisting it on your grown children as an ‘inheritance’ will work too. I can’t tell you how much ‘inheritance’ I got from my parents this way. I plan on handing down that priceless black-velvet doggie poker scene by Van Gogh to the kids. Make sure to go through the pockets of those old clothes too. With any luck you will find some cash to buy McDonald’s for breakfast while the kids are at school. .
Intoxication, THE most important step of all; the one that holds this acronym together. Yep, you must be a little drunk if not completely to pack. Books, papers, knick-knacks and other things that you don’t use daily can be packed in advance. However, I do not recommend writing on the boxes at this time. Depending upon the alcohol, it could be some long ode to the dust bunny under the couch or something too sexually explicit for the kids to read (which was totally embarrassing to explain to the principal where the little smartass learned that word).
I prefer shots of Souza Tequila; it’s just too darn awkward to carry that wine glass while packing. This also lubricates the communication with you and your significant other. Don’t count on this significant other to help. This might make you angry, but that’s okay. It gives you the perfect reason to throw in a margarita for good measure while you pack up things for donation he holds dear. So, when he asks where his 1973 Junior Tee-Ball Trophy is, just use ‘donation’ and ‘drunk’ in the same sentence. I know this works with my husband; it’s sort of how we ended up with our youngest child.
Procrastination, avoid it all costs! Pack early and as much as you can! I know it sickens you to see your spouse sweeping his belongings in a box as the moving van pulls up. But there usually isn’t anything you can do. DO procrastinate on telling the dog about the move. Wait until you’re in the car on the way to the new house though, or he’ll want to stay to dig up all those damn bones in the backyard.
