The Bloody Red Sox
I have had enough of Boston Red Sox fans in the national media, blabbing in the papers, books, and Internet. I could go another 80 plus years without them winning a world series. They could too. Because it seems they could never let go of the 2004 championship. Simmons, Wojciechowski, Gammons, Wetzel, Stephen King, the Farrelly bros. The list goes on in all aspects of America. The 43 year-old pedophile with a Red Sox cap on is included. Across the street from me, talking about Gabe Kapler to the 12 year-old girl walking home from the bus stop. I live in Miami. The weirdest Bostonians live here. Do they get exiled from Boston to here? New Yorker’s retire, vacation here. Bean Towner’s here are running from something. Kinda like the Cubans and Argentineans, but they didn’t have to swim here so they could eat at McDonalds and drink Starbucks.
Anyway, if I hear or see one more Curt Schilling sock bleeding clip, picture, article, or conversation. Well. I might just have to send the New York Times a photo manipulated picture of Schilling on the bench, with blood staining his crotch. Hey Curt, what’s more tough? Playing on your menstrual cycle or hitting for the cycle?
Since nobody has any ideas, here’s some to replace the weekly Boston fetish.
One, a red sox article not using the phrases, resilient, tough, broken curse, 2004 champions, Big Papi, bleeding sock, we have Mariano Rivera’s number, Theo Epstein, Yankee’s buy championships, Johnny Damon’s beard, and bad bullpen. I can’t even break that curse. (See sock bleeding paragraph above).
Two, Atlanta has made the playoffs for the 13th consecutive season. I know baseball history starts with the 2004 AL championship series for most of these writers. But Fairy Francona is to Bobby Cox, as Dave Wannstedt is to Vince Lombardi.
Three, Mario Lopez is hosting a TV show about how sports and Hollywood intersect. What a joke. So much material for
criticism here. If ESPN runs this show, they have to be listening to programming pitch sessions from Kirk Cameron’s agent. Never mind, I think Kirk proclaimed his life and TV appearance negotiation to God. Don’t turn the Sports crossed with Hollywood into a “Fever Pitch” movie review.
Four, the Padres made the playoffs. What does Tony LaRussa tell his players before this series? “Don’t go through the motions guys and you’ll be eliminated faster then you can say–Ah screw it. Do that and we’ll still win in four games. Don’t
be late to the stadium tomorrow.”
Five, Roger Clemens has a vagina. I ripped on Schilling in the same fashion. You could take your writing frustration without writing about Boston, on a former Red Sox player, Roger Clemens (for whatever reason you want). He’s still dominant (jealousy). He played for the Yankees (envy). He has a vagina (comedy). You would like to see his vagina (adultery).
But I digress. The motivation for my article was in fact, the Boston Red Sox. Go White Sox!
