The Celebrity Bottom 5 : Counting Down the Worst of Celebrity Based News and Gossip
Crovais, creepingly nicknamed Chicken Little by host Ryan Seacrest, is the latest to be kicked off of the maration program that is American Idol. Is it just me, or does this show seem to go forever. With performance shows, results shows and Barry Manilows; it seems that AI is on seven nights a week. I am amazed that it hasn’t died a horrible death from over-exposure. Poor Kevin Covais was the typical dorkiy contestant, who squeaked by to the later rounds because people felt for sorry for him; there is at least one or two of this type per season. But his time was up, despite the best efforts of the upstart website, VoteFortheWosrt.com: A site soley dedicated to aiding the Chicken Littles of the American Idol world progress deeper into the tournament. I hope the oddsmakers for the ever-growing Idol gambling rings, take this into consideration; I’ve got alot of money on Katharine McPhee.
4. Former Libertines guitarist, and current Babyshambles front man, Pete Doherty kicks a camerman in the arm outside a courtroom
I understand that most people in the old US of A, don’t know who Dohert is, but he is a huge celebrity in the UK. The two bands he is associated with, The Libertines and The Babyshambles, are critical favorites but hardly MTV staples. But his antics rival anything that Keith Richards pulled off in his prime. He is constantly getting himself into the headlines with his outrageous behavior. From cocaine with Kate Moss, to kicking camermen, to heroin at a Buddhist monestary treatment centers, there is nothing that Doherty hasn’t indulged with. We might be watching a promising young talent kill himself slowly, but it’s kind of fun to see what the hell is going to happen next. In an upcoming issue of Rolling Stone, a reporter notes that over a period of three hours, “Doherty will smoke crack, shoot heroin and take an ecstasy pill. He does all of this casually, and openly, except for the shooting up, which he performs near the kitchenette, with his back to us…The more drugs Doherty does, the more he seems to relax. He never becomes incoherent, though occasionally he seems confused.” Jim Morrison would be impressed.
3. Isaac Hayes’ character on South Park, Chef, gets roasted literally
In a week that saw controversy involving Comedy Central, Tom Cuise, Scientology, Mission Impossible 3, and of course Isaac Hayes; Matt Stone and Trey Parker got the last laugh as they wrote and animated an “approproate” send-off for their beloved Chef, in the course of only three days. 3.5 million viewers watched this week as Chef was struck by lightning, impaled, shot, mauled by a mountain lion, eaten by a grizzly bear, and, oh, yes, accused of being a child molester. The episode, which was really just a vailed slap in the face for Scientology, tells the tale of Chef’s brainwashing by the child molesting outfit, The Super Adventure Club, or in the words of Kyle, one of the show’s child stars, “the fruity little club that scrambled his brain”. What complicates this whole saga is the recent report, however, that Hayes actaully had suffered a stroke. FoxNews.com columnist Roger Friedman reported Monday the 63-year-old “Shaft” soul great suffered a stroke on Jan. 17 and “is in no condition to quit anything”. But he works for Fox News, so we can probably just ignore anything that comes up out of his lying mouth. The real loss here is the character that was Chef. But South Park fans can rest easy, as the end of the episode saw the birth of a new Chef. A robotic, Darth Vader-inspired Chef. Tom Cruise, the ball is in your court.
2. Prince turns NBA star Carlos Boozer’s home into a his own purple playground
The real story here is, why is Prince, richer than almost any NBA player, renting a house for $70,000 a month. Has the “Black Sweat” singer become the Artist Formerly Known as a Homeowner? I mean, come on. The aerial shots of this mansion looked incredbile, and it also made me wonder how Boozer, a decent player for the Utah Jazz but not a superstar, could afford such a beautiful estate. If I knew that 14 points and 9 boards a game could land you those kind of digs, I would have practiced my jumper a little more. But Prince, whose best quality was always being weirder than the next guy, decided to deck out this rented pads with massive purple stripes and promotions for his new album 3121 and, oh yeah, that infamous symbol. Boozer orignally filed a lawsuit against the Artist, but dropped it soon after. Pending the weather in LA, Prince might be leaving on his own accord anyway. The rental agreement includes the addendum that Prince can cancel his lease with 45 days notice “should the weather conditions of the Los Angeles rainy season…prohibit enjoyment of the property.” Carlos Boozer has allegedly been seen singing, “Purple Rain, purple rain” in an attempt to aid the LA rainy season. Good luck.
1. R. Kelly’s brother, Carey, goes public with his beef
Carey Kelly, the brother of the “Trapped in the Closet” star, has recently released a DVD where he makes the claim that R. Kelly wanted him to be the fall man for the infamous sex tape that spurred a national controvery as well as child pronography charges against the R&B singer. He also announced on a Hot 97 radio program in New York, that his brother was also a child molester, wife beater and a bisexual. But the most shocking part of this whole story is that not of it is the least bit surprising. By most accounts, it was R. Kelly in the now much publicized videotape; a tape in which he seen, among other things, urinating on a teenage girl. His most recent hit, the ultra bizarre 12 part song cycle, “Trapped in the Closet”, included a segment about a midget going poopy in his pants. But in a desenitized Michael Jackson world, as long as you don’t look like a freak, American will give you a free pass. Congratulations to the Kelly Brothers, you are the worst of the worst this week in the ongoing saga that is the Celebrity Bottom 5.
