The Dangers of an Open Marriage

Several years ago, my wife and I went out to dinner with another couple with whom we’d been friendly. We sat down to dinner, took a look at our menus, then settled into our typically comfortable chit-chat. About fifteen minutes into the conversation, however, the other couple admitted that they were having an open marriage.

An open marriage is a marriage in which both partners are allowed to have extra-marital relations. This could mean going to a club to pick up sexual partners or simply the freedom to experiment at will. Some couples choose open marrage because one happens to be bi-sexual, while others have no limitations.

To be honest, I’m completely close-minded when it comes to the concept of open marriages. I can’t imagine sharing my wife with anyone – male or female – and the prospect makes me nauseous. But some married couples actually enjoy open marriages, and our friends insisted that they were closer for it.

The dangers of an open marriage are plenty, and here are a few of the most common possibilities:

1. Jealousy

Married couples who exist in an open marriage open the door for extreme cases of jealousy. If, for example, a wife comments on her sexual experience with another man, the husband might feel as though his sexual prowess has been called into question.

Some married couples who practice open marriages, however, insist that they get off on jealousy. Knowing that their husband or wife has had other partners heightens their sense of sexual intimacy together.

2. Legality

There are states in which adultery is illegal, regardless of whether or not it was consensual. This can mean that one or both partners will be charged with adultery if their extramarital affairs are discovered. Couples who engage in an open marriage should be sure that they aren’t breaking any laws.

3. Social Acceptance

Regardless of the incidence of open marriages (experts say about 2% of all marriages), there is still a social stigma that applies. Open marriages may not be acceptable to family members, friends, and even co-workers, if they know. Many couples who engage in open marriages prefer to keep it to themselves for that very reason.

4. Children

I can’t imagine a married couple in an open marriage if they have children, but it does happen. It is almost impossible to keep everything from your children, and if (when) they find out, anger and resentment may ensue. Depending on the ages of the children, open marriages can have permanent psychological damage.

5. Violence

Many married couples who have open marriages enjoy picking up strange women/men at clubs and bars for a one night stand of sexual intimacy. The dangers here are the same as with any casual sex experience; if you don’t know the person with whom you are having sex, the danger of violence is very real. And if one of the members of the relationship is hurt, the other might suffer from feelings of guilt or anger.