The Decision Not to Have a Child
All these questions and more are sometimes asked before your wedding ceremony has even taken place. The fact is, this is a topic that should be solely between you and your spouse. After all, this is YOUR family that is being discussed, and no one else’s. If necessary, put up a verbal wall between yourselves and those who seek to interrogate you.
It is not rude for you to tell anyone that you do not wish to discuss it, but it is rude for them to attempt to intrude upon your private business. Should you be one of the growing couples that decide not to have children, be prepared for varying degrees of rudeness, and most likely disappointment from families.
The are many increasing reasons couples today are deciding not to have children. Focus on careers is a top priority today, as well as money. Depending on where you live, cost of living can be significantly high, and raising a child can quickly make any disposable income disappear. And if you have a career that provides you with happiness as well as a stable income, you may not want to give that up.
It is common sense that lifestyles change severely when the baby is born. You must be prepared to devote most of your time and money to raising that child, and to basically give up leisure time.
This is not an attempt to talk anyone out of having a child, but there are certain considerations that must be understood and thoroughly examined before you do have a child; otherwise the resulting shock can add tension to your family and relationship.
Are you prepared to sacrifice your career or leisure activities? Are you prepared to have to create a new budget in order to deal with the costs of raising a child? Are you yourself in a good, stable frame of mind; do you have the necessary patience and selfless love needed to raise a baby?
Many people look at the world around them and balk at the thought of bringing another child into it, especially when there are so many children who need a loving home. Many couples are simply happy and comfortable with their current lifestyle, and though the idea of a baby may sound appealing, and a possibility in the future, at this point in present time, they simply value their current lifestyle and each other more than an additional family member. Here on Long Island, there are in fact several monthly activities, such as dinners and dances, devoted to couples that have chosen not to have children. There is no reason you should be ostracized just because your own plans don’t fit neatly into someone’s preconceived notion of how you should be running your life.
Everyone has their own opinion of marriage. Some claim marriage is to strengthen the bond of love between to people, which is mainly my belief, in simple terms. Others will tell you that marriage exists for the sole intent of raising a family. This may have been true years ago, but as common sense and current events have proven, times change.
The decision not to have a child does not mean you hate children, nor does it mean you may never have children. There is no need to adhere to someone else’s schedule for the natural course of your lives. By marrying your spouse you have in essence begun a new family, and it is ultimately your decision to keep your family as it is; namely, you and your spouse, or to add new additions, at a time when you see fit.
Anyone and everyone else may have their own opinions on the subject, as they are entitled too, but if they feel it necessary to attempt to force their opinions onto you, you can simply dismiss them with polite words that essentially enforce your own opinion. This is your family, not theirs, and what you do is your decision, not theirs. Let them focus on their own family. You enjoy yours.
