The Fear of Rejection and the Trouble with Moving Forward Afterwords
Rejection is difficult to cope with at any age. However the worst type of rejection is when you want some one who doesn’t even know you exist. There are many issues with this situation. First of all why do you like this person so much? What is it about them that attract you to them? Is it because you are friends or acquaintances? What do they bring to the relationship?
Another aspect to look at is if it’s a healthy admiration that you have for this person to begin with. If you are peeking in John or Sally’s window every Saturday night this is probably a bad sign! If you’re not a peeping Tom or Tina ask yourself a few questions: Do they know you feel this way? Are they in a relationship already? This could be especially troubling if you are unable to accept this. This is true for any case, whether you were a couple, or just friends.
Sometimes when we look to others to comfort us, especially when we are feeling insecurity as well as pain that we are not sure how to address. Emotional rejection is a painful event to face but that is the only way that you will overcome it. Take a look at how you came to the point you are at. If it makes it easier get a notebook and a pen and take notes. It’s actually very therapeutic and not as corny as it sounds. Write down what it is about this person that drives you crazy. Answer some of these unanswered questions, as in does this person know, or care for that matter. Is this a relationship that can be saved? If your answer is no, then continue to do some more soul searching. Don’t give up that easy! Rejection is painful but the longer you ignore it the worse it will get.
An important aspect to remember once you have begun to work through some of these issues is to watch for warning signs. Don’t actively seek out people who are not available to you. If some one is in a relationship, then obviously you should not try to ask them out on a date. If you find yourself doing this repeatedly try a new approach. Ask a friend to set you up on a blind date, or try going out and meeting new people. If you always do the things which have given you poor results in the past, nothing is going to change!
Another effective measure that you can utilize for moving past rejection is positive affirmations. This can be helpful and it will work if you are persistent. An affirmation is a statement which can be said aloud or silently to yourself which reaffirms that you are a valid and good person. Sometimes when we have been emotionally cruel to ourselves we need a boost to encourage positive actions and feelings. It is not enough to just say an affirmation; you must believe what you are saying.
For instance if you stand in the mirror and say, I am going to be 7 foot tall and play for the NBA this most likely wont work unless you really are 7 feet tall. Make sure that you try to create an affirmation that is true and cannot be discredited. For instance, I am strong, I can make it through the day and I don’t need _________ to complete me as a person. These affirmations can be helpful in building up self esteem that has taken a nose dive. Over time you will begin to believe these things and feel more confident and better about your situation.
One more solution to keep your mind off of the other person is to take up a hobby. Go take a walk, go work out. Exercise can be so soothing for stressful situations. Not to mention the amazing impact that it can have on some people’s depression. Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, take your life back and move forward not back wards. In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt “Life was meant to be lived: and curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason turn his back on life.”
