The Firefighter, a Hot Summer Day & a Wild WAHM
Characters: Hot Mama – Me (It was a very hot day)
Security Agent – National Security
The Wild Ones – Our Children
Sound Effects – Our Children, Smoke Alarm, Shakespeare (our dog), the Phone & Fire Trucks Mr. July – Firefighter “Joe”
Props Provided By – The My Neighborhood Fire Department
Costume: My Husband’s Closet
Location: The Haven (the name of our home)
Once upon a…I have been trying to clean my oven for weeks using the Self Cleaning feature and each time the smoke alarms would go off. It got to the point that I stopped using the darned thing until recently when the children wanted Spud Puppies (Tate Tots). Friday morning, the children wanted their breakfast. I am not a fryer and I don’t cook in the microwave. In fact, I threw it out (thanks SB), so I tried cleaning the oven once again, this time using Vinegar & Baking Soda (I am out of my Melaleuca products). The Vinegar & Baking Soda did the foam up thing and I wiped it out thoroughly and it still felt greasy so I started the Self Cleaning again hoping it would burn off. I opened all the windows and doors in preparation for the worst and in fact it started smoking again, the alarms went off, the dog went crazy, the children…well it gave them licenses to scream louder than the alarm. A few seconds later the phone rang and it was Ms. National Security was on the line I told her there is no fire and I was cleaning again. She said she already called the Fire Department. WHAT!!!!!!!!!! I guess she called the Fire Department because of my multiple false alarms in the past. About 5minutes later I heard rumbling coming up the driveway, I looked out and it was the Fire Department, two trucks! I rushed outside to let them know it was a false alarm and I felt as if I stepped into one of my mother’s Harlequin Romance novels. There he was and I am not exaggerating, a big, brawny, tanned, healthy, beautiful, Fire Fighter, a Calendar Hero “Mr. July.” He was not wearing a shirt, only suspenders holding up his pants with his jacket thrown on one shoulder. I could not believe my eyes. Do they do this because they knew it would be SAHM? If Ms. National Security did not tell me she called the FD and the trucks weren’t idling in the driveway, I would have been expecting a strip show. He gave me a beautiful smile and spoke ever so forgivingly. As I was explaining to him what happened I noticed how he was looking at me then I remembered what I was wearing. Oh my gosh, I was wearing my husband’s “stars and stripes” boxers and a very thin t-shirt that the washing machine shrunk two sizes too small and no bra (so the retired breastfeeding machines were visiting my belly button). Enough said. Needless to say the oven was not cleaned. When I called and told MY Studly Law & Order Calendar Husband “Mr. August” he chuckled with empathy. I immediately went online and placed my Melaleuca order. Now, today, Monday, our children wanted chicken tenders, which involved the oven. I know I have to do something and I am not buying those toxin-laced, fume-filled oven cleaners. The only Melaleuca cleaning product we had in our home was Clear Power glass cleaner so I used it. I sprayed the mixed solution, began wiping and felt the grease breaking up. It was amazing. I was doing this with my bare hands and my face in the oven. My visiting 14 yr. old niece was very excited to see the oven finally getting clean because that meant french fries and other teenager junk food. She even commented,”I like the way it smells.” So now I am using the Self Cleaner on the oven and no smoke, hence no more Mr. July Firefighter. Darn that Clear Power.
And they lived Happily Ever After… (No, no I must get a second chance at this Harlequin Romance novel thing, I am going to get some bacon grease smear the oven, start the Self Cleaner, put on a plunging neckline, above-the-knee dress….no, wait, cover the cellulite…long, thin, flowing dress, a gravity defying bra, hair done and flowing and runway model make-up and wait for Mr. July. Well, with my luck I will get his cranky chief who is waiting to retire and who will give me a summons for ticking him off.) So that is my product story to share. Stay cool!
