The Flying Prairie Dog
Kurt, the hero of our story, decided one day to stop foraging for seeds and run over to his favorite hill. He lay down in the deep grass, rested his chin on his paws, relaxed and started watching the birds fly up in the sky. He daydreamed about what it would be like to grow wings, spread them wide and soar through the air. He watched the birds fly around and became so impressed and infatuated with their abilities that he immediately wished he would have been born a hawk or an eagle or even a stork, anything other than an animal condemned to live on the boring ground their whole life. He lay there wishing he could feel the intense freedom of soaring above the Earth, and soon Kurt fell into a deep slumber and dreamt of flying around the world with the largest set of wings anybody had ever seen before.
When he woke hours later, he couldn’t believe it was so dark. He got scared and started running home, stumbling a little from being so sleepy. On the way to his burrow he noticed a light flickering off in the distance. He got curious and ran in the direction of the light and saw that it was coming from the window of a big farm house. Kurt became even more curious and ran and ran, shaking off his grogginess, until he reached the farm house and climbed up onto a stack of old tractor tires. He peeked into the curtainless window and saw a bald man in overalls sitting in a recliner, smoking a big fat cigar and watching television. Bowling balls lay stacked up all around the man’s living room.
The farmer’s television screen showed people swinging, jumping, flipping and grabbing at some sort of swing suspended high in the air. Kurt stood there in the darkness, a gentle wind ruffling his fur, watching the trapeze artists perform on the farmer’s television set. His mouth opened and closed. He groaned with astonishment and rubbed his tiny paws together. His long prehensile tail squeezed and released at the air and he almost swooned every time one of the trapeze artists completed a dangerous trick. Kurt the prairie dog was mesmerized by their performance.
Two hours later the farmer turned off the television set. He pushed himself out of his chair and went to bed. Kurt climbed down from the tires, rubbed his weary eyes and jiggled his little body through the grass. He headed back toward his burrow, pondering everything that he had seen. All he could think about was soaring and flipping through the air, twirling and grabbing onto that wonderful trapeze.
He made it to his burrow and slid down into his hole and tried to fall sleep. But he couldn’t. For the next five nights Kurt suffered from terrible insomnia — an abundance of trapeze visions were assaulting his mind and wouldn’t go away. Visions of himself soaring and performing the most miraculous tricks anyone had ever seen. He realized witnessing the trapeze artists on the farmer’s television had completely changed his life, so he decided to embark on a new mission:
He would become the greatest trapeze artist in the world.
And he would not let being a prairie dog hamper him in any way.
Weeks passed. Kurt’s trapeze visions continued. He stopped cavorting with his family and friends and no longer fulfilled his duties of signaling for predators. He barely ate enough grass to keep his chubby body alive and all he could think of was how to get his hands on a trapeze. How to shoot through the air like a furry bullet doing tricks for an appreciative audience and hoping a human with strong arms would be on the other side to catch him.
More time passed.
And Kurt continued to do the one activity he loved most: Laying on the hillside watching the birds soar.
Then one day he noticed several big trucks driving down the highway, all in a long line. Kurt hopped up and stared at the trucks. He noticed they had the same writing and designs on their sides that he had seen on the television program about the trapeze artists. His ears perked up. His little rodent heart started pounding. He stared at the large picture on the side of the lead truck: A clown riding on a bear’s back with a shark swimming in the background, holding a bunch of balloons and some cotton candy. Reader, you and I both know Kurt was seeing a traveling circus, but since prairie dogs can’t read, Kurt only had a gut feeling that the trucks had something to do with trapeze artists. But he didn’t think twice and kicked his little legs and ran and hopped through the long grass, chasing the convoy of trucks. He ran for miles and miles right beside the highway and became very tired. But he did not stop.
Kurt the prairie dog sprinted beside them until finally the trucks reached their destination and pulled into a huge parking lot. The place where the circus would soon be set up. He panted hard and sneaked up under one of the small trailers, hoping no one would see him. He curled into a ball and quickly fell into a deep sleep. He was so exhausted he slept for two days straight, resting and healing his taxed body, preparing for his first trapeze performance while the workers set up the circus.
Opening day. A huge crowd. Hundreds of people. The noise of stomping feet and shouts of glee. The rich smell of popcorn and cotton candy made his little prairie dog stomach growl and churn so badly that he woke up. He darted out from the trailer and took off jogging all around the circus, scampering over thick electrical cords, running under food stands, swerving away from people’s busy feet, his nerves frayed hoping that no one would detect him.
After fifteen minutes of mostly running in circles Kurt he prairie dog found a purple tent where the trapeze artists were flying and twirling through the air. He grinned and rubbed his paws together and slapped his long prehensile tail on the ground with excitement. Then he waddled into the tent and crawled far back under the bleachers. He hid and watched the trapeze artists flying through the air, just like the birds he had watched on the hillside back home.
Finally the trapeze artists stopped practicing. They wiped sweat from their foreheads with big white towels, hugged each other and filed out of the tent. But Kurt the prairie dog did not leave. He stayed under the bleachers, nibbling little nubs of grass to ease his hunger and waiting for night to arrive. He knew the trapeze artists would soon return to perform their tricks for a rapt audience.
An hour later people poured into the tent. Kurt stayed hidden under the bleachers. He watched lions run in and roar and an animal tamer crack a big whip over their muscular backs. He breathed heavily and whimpered because the lions scared him. But he crawled back further under the bleachers till he felt safe. The animal tamer grabbed a stool and shouted commands until the lions jumped through big fiery hoops. He watched until his fear went away and after thirty minutes the animal tamer led the lions out of the tent. Although Kurt liked their performance, he thought it was rather mundane compared to the thrills of the flying trapeze artists.
Then they came out. They wore colorful red costumes with golden embellishments. They smiled cheerfully and bowed and waved to the crowd. Kurt hopped up and wiggled his long tail and waddled close to the edge of the bleachers. And the mighty trapeze artists climbed up the ladder.
Once on the platform they bowed and waved again and two men swung out and began the performance. They flipped and soared and spun and caught one another. But they completed only five tricks before Kurt lost all self-control. He released a high-pitched warble and ran to the ladder and started climbing up. He shimmied onto the platform, squatted down, and flung himself into the air, lunging for the trapeze.
He soared up and out and felt a surge of freedom whip through his entire body. He stretched his little paws to grab the bar and luckily Luigi was there, who caught him by the head and threw him toward the other platform. But it wasn’t quite hard enough and Kurt started falling to the ground. He lashed out with his prehensile tail at the last second and grabbed the pole of the platform. But grasping the pole with his tail produced a powerful whipping effect and his speed was so great the centrifugal force flung him toward the other platform.
Muscular Bernadette was standing there. She caught Kurt. But after realizing he was a prairie dog she shrieked and threw him back out toward the trapeze. This time he caught the bar with one paw, held on for an instant, whipped around, then quickly lost his grip and flew upward, twirling end over end until Rosalynn caught him on the other platform.
She had more control over her emotions than Burnadette and had already realized a prairie dog had been disrupting their performance. She caught Kurt, set him down gently, patted his head and smiled. Kurt bolted down the ladder, falling part of the way. He hit the ground and scampered out of the circus tent and a few children tried to grab him as he passed.
Kurt sprinted out into the night, wanting only to get back to his burrow. He was worried the crowd or circus workers would chase him or try to hunt him down for disrupting their performance.
But all of the people in the circus tent, grown-ups and children both, howled and stomped their feet and cheered bombastically at the unique spectacle they had just witnessed. They loved Kurt the prairie dog’s performance and surmised that he was a regular part of the trapeze act, assuming he was there to provide a little comic relief.
Hours later when Kurt was still running home and the circus was being shut down for the night, the spectators plodded to their cars and an elderly man with a long scar on his face could be heard saying, “That prairie dog on the trapeze was really something.” And far away from the old man, a young girl wearing a blue dress said, “The greatest and most funniest thing at the whole circus was that prairie dog on the flying trapeze!” And an elderly woman with a large beehive hairdo said, “I can’t wait till next year so I can see that wonderful little prairie dog again!”
Kurt ran and ran all night long until he reached his burrow. Never resting once, still worried the circus people were trying to hunt him down. But none of them followed and he made it home just two hours before daybreak. He curled up in his favorite tunnel and again had trouble sleeping. He felt too excited from completing his first performance. He replayed in his mind all the twirls and close calls and flips he had pulled off, satisfied with his achievement, even though it had been a little sloppy. He remembered mostly the feeling of soaring just like the birds he’d watched on the hillside. And after several hours he fell into a deep sleep and dreamed about being the greatest trapeze artist out of all the circus performers in the entire world.
The next morning, Kurt awoke with a plan: To find circuses anywhere in the country, break in to them and interrupt the trapeze acts to perform his own tricks to the best of his ability. He was now committed to becoming the best trapeze artist in the world, even if he was only a prairie dog.
To this day Kurt the prairie dog is still attempting to fulfill his mission. He has disrupted more than 300 major trapeze acts over the last five years. The crowds are always ecstatic upon witnessing his dazzling performances. Some circus goers have even been heard saying they hope he will disrupt the circus in their hometowns since he has honed his act to be more entertaining and death-defying than any other trapeze performance.
But dear reader, I must inform you that what Kurt the prairie dog is doing is extremely dangerous. And more importantly, it is illegal. The law enforcement of the United States of America will not tolerate animals of any kind invading circuses and taking over the trapeze acts; or any other acts for that matter. We are determined to hunt down any animal or human who commits this atrocious crime and punish them severely. Somebody is going to get hurt or perhaps even killed and it could very well be you the next time you attend a circus. So if you ever see a prairie dog on a trapeze anywhere in your vicinity, please call 1-989-123-5050 and report it as soon as possible. Thank you very much. Have a good day.
-end-
Jason Earls is the author of the books Red Zen, How to Become a Guitar Player from Hell, Cocoon of Terror, Heartless B*st*rd In Ecstasy, If(Sid_Vicious == TRUE && Alan_Turing == TRUE) {ERROR_Cyberpunk(); } and 0.136101521283655… all available at Amazon.com and other online book stores. His fiction and mathematical work have been published in Red Scream, Scientia Magna, three of Clifford Pickover’s books, Wretched & Violent, Mathworld, Chiaroscuro, Switchblade, Dogmatika, Neometropolis, Prime Curios, the Online Encyclopedia of Integer Sequences, OG’s Speculative Fiction, AlienSkin, Escaping Elsewhere, Werewolf, Recreational and Educational Computing, Thirteen, Theatre of Decay, Nocturnal Ooze, Prime Curios, Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens, Swallow’s Tail, and other publications. He currently resides in Texas with his wife, Christine.
