The Glamourous Cast of Chicago’s Gold Coast
The scenery is as diverse as the occupants that live here. At Clark and Division you’ll find an unusual combination of customers at the local Dunkin Donuts. There are two kinds of people, the yuppies and the yuckies. The yuppies are purchasing their low carb bagels and lattes, while the yuckies are panhandling for pastries. I’ve even gotten a few marriage proposals while waiting in line. Good times.
The Mark Twain transient hotel is right above Dunkin Donuts. It makes for a colorful cast of characters that occupy the seedy corner. Contrary to popular belief, not all homeless people are hostile and annoying. My friend “toothless Willy” stands in front of the Popeye’s opening doors for local patrons. He never asks for money, food or cigarettes, but if the occasional passerby throws him a charitable handout, he will gladly accept with a “god bless you.” Willy stands about 5’3 with a tattered black leather jacket that resembles the same worn texture as his face. Every day when I walk to the redline, he tells me, “Yur lookin’ great today! Love that beautiful smile. You have a great day now, yes maam.” He makes me smile so I hand him a Marlboro and return the salutation.
Gold Coast attracts a variety of people and on any given day you’re going to see some strange things. The Planned Parenthood is located at the busy corner of LaSalle and Division. Occasionally you’ll notice a group of people holding candlelight vigils surrounded by grotesque pictures of mutated fetuses. When questioned, a woman once told me that they were praying for the souls of the aborted zygotes.
A block east on Division/Dearborn you become immersed in the local bar and tavern scene. Unfortunately, drunken frat boys are the least of your worries because around this area you may notice an overpowering stench of urine. I’m not sure where the source is coming from but everyday I hope that it will go away. I started wishing 3 years ago today and I’m still keeping my fingers crossed. If that’s not enough to gag a maggot, you can also detect a winning combination of horse poop and raw sewage. The closer you migrate to Michigan Ave. the more pungent the smell. How chic is that?
Everyday I wander around the Rush and Michigan area looking for things to do. Christmas is the best time to check out local merchants and their window displays. Barneys never fails to disappoint me with their colorful abstracts and stunning powerful mannequins. Sitting in front of my favorite window is this tiny homeless woman. She normally sticks to the Dearborn and Elm area but today she chose a busier intersection.
She is literally half my size with straggly gray hair that has probably never seen a comb in its life. Her appearance is remarkably similar to the old witch in Hansel and Gretel. Sadly, the woman is schizophrenic and mentally ill. The poor thing is pacing back in forth in front of Barneys creating an almost intriguing juxtaposition between the bright cheery merchandising and her volatile persona. I know it’s not proper to laugh, but on this day I find it irresistibly hard. She is screaming profanities at this well dressed woman in head to toe Gucci. The classy woman is chatting away on her teeny cell phone completely oblivious to the howling homeless woman. As I walk by, “crazy” starts ranting at me. It was half in profanities and half in some strange gibberish. I smile and keep on walking. It’s never a dull moment in Gold Coast.
