The Importance of Marriage Vows
There is nothing more beautiful in the world than two people falling in love with each other, becoming so entranced with each other they decide to take the plunge, and commit themselves to one another for life. Many people are disillusioned about the institution of marriage, claiming that it is outdated. Or they may claim that it is unreasonable to claim you will love someone forever because you don’t know if you’ll always be in love with them. But this is why that commitment is so valuable. It is the ability to say to another person, “No matter how angry I am with you, no matter how much you may hurt me in the future, no matter what I may discover about you that I find I do not like, I will stand by you and work it out with you.” Without this sort of commitment partners become disposableâÂ?¦ and no one wants to be or feel as if they are disposable. A commitment demonstrates to your partner that you consider them indispensable no matter what the circumstances may be.
I myself have been married to my husband for almost eight years. It was a sunny day in December in a small town in Tennessee, at a small church that my husband was raised in where we exchanged our vows. I had a fresh and positive outlook at almost 19 years old, and my husband stood at the altar beaming at me after having just turned 23. We were young and optimistic. More importantly when we exchanged our vows, to have and to hold, to honor and cherish, forsaking all others, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and for better or worse� we meant it, and we kept meaning it.
The fact of the matter is most people start out in their marriages optimistic and happy, just as my husband and I did. We were both young and beginning to realize what the responsibilities of adulthood truly meant. We spent our “honeymoon period” being rather care free and irresponsible. A lot of marriages start out this way, some with the irresponsibility, some without. But soon reality hits, and you realize that when you made those vows that life will challenge the integrity of them by throwing a whole lot of sickness, and poorer, and worse at you.
The wedding vows serve as an anchor to keep you going through it all together. The fact of the matter is that life is going to throw those things at you anyway. But often it is easier to cope with when you have someone you can draw close to and stand as a unified front with, even when you are at odds with each other. If you have that one thing in common, that you are unwilling to give up on the other person no matter how you may feel about them at the moment, you have the ability to build your relationship.
My husband and I have been through rough financial spots, we’ve both faced health issues, we’ve brought three children into the world and had our whole lives turned topsy turvy by it, we’ve gained and lost, and dreamed together, let go of and mourned some of those dreams together, we’ve had the deepest sense of enamorment towards one another, and we’ve had moments that we hated and despised each other for perceived or legitimate offenses, but we had one thing going in our favor the entire timeâÂ?¦ the stubborn commitment to do what it took to make our marriage work. Somehow even in our youthful follies we knew that commitment would and will continue to see us through, no matter what we may face. We’ve faced our moments of disillusionment when we wondered how we could be committed to the other person in light of the selfish attitudes or behaviors of the other. But there was something another lady I spoke with said that really struck a chord for me. She said, “On my good days I am committed to my husband, on my not so good days I am committed to my marriage, and on my bad days I am committed to my commitment.” Which is to say even when she has no regard for her husband, she has the fortitude to at least hold up her end of the bargain.
These vows are designed to account for all of the curve balls life can pitch to you, and the more you push through, the stronger the relationship and the commitment to it becomes, the harder you are willing to work to see something good come out of your stubborn effort to hang on.
I believe personally, that marriage is not outdated, it is not unreasonable. I believe that marriage requires a fortitude and persistence that many are coming to lack because we live in a society of instant gratification. We want things to be easier, more convenient and easily fixed if something feels uncomfortable. The trouble is there is no quick fix for human relationships, and when we can not quickly and conveniently get things back to our comfort zone within relationships with others, e give up and move on to the next. This is exactly the sort of dispensability that marriage vows are designed to dispense with. This is why they are so incredibly important. There is no one on this world that wants to be disposable. Everyone has a desire to know they are worth the effort and aggravation they can and will cause to the people they care about. Marriage vows are a way of assuring your partner that they are worth the effort and aggravation, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, ’til death do you part.
