The Impracticality of Ice Makers
The beginning of any worth while venture always involves either getting rid of something or acquiring something, be it knowledge, ignorance, or a shiny new pair of shoes. Well your quest to the perfect ice maker begins with the disposal of your old tired ice trays. Come to think of it you should just dispose of your old refrigerator as well, unless of course you are one of those people that have always dreamed of having two refrigerators, then by all means just scoot something over and make room. When purchasing a refrigerator it would be silly for a person such as yourself to walk into a grocery store and ask the nearest clerk where they keep the refrigerators, that same question would however be completely reasonable to ask the clerk at your nearest appliance store.
After choosing just the right refrigerator, complete with ice maker, it’s time to take it home and see just how wonderful a selection you’ve made. That new refrigerator smell won’t last long unless you get the fridge working so we must work quickly. It’s at this point that you will come to a cross roads, let the professionals install the refrigerator, or go it alone and risk complete and utter failure. While the first seems to be the plausible route, you wouldn’t even get half the fun of the second. Be sure that when dismissing the professionals you put on an air of knowing exactly what you’re doing, otherwise they might not leave you alone.
Okay, now that you are alone in the solitude of your kitchen it’s time to look at the cryptic instructions for installation. Although they may look like a jumble of unrecognizable symbols and things that look like they should be words, do not despair. Just relax, turn the paper over, and try not to feel like a complete idiot when you realize that you’ve been looking at the Spanish side of the instructions the entire time. After approximately 35 to 40 minutes of being completely overwhelmed and baffled it is now time to begin trying to connect hoses and pull bands tight and all manner of other things that fall along those lines.
Not long after you begin that last step, you’ll completely abandon the instructions, crumple them into tight wad, and throw them at the innocent passing cat in your frustration. Shortly thereafter you’ll realize that you have no idea what you are doing without those same instructions that you just threw at the cat, your next task will be to get up from the nest of refrigerator packing product and recover them.
After you stare dumbfoundedly at the instructions for another 20 minutes or so it is time for you to call the professionals back and admit that you in fact have no idea what you are doing and that you are desperately in need of their help. Don’t think that pleading is beneath you. Of course if you listened to me in the first place you won’t need to plead and they will think nothing of coming back to help you. About ten minutes into the professional installation the light bulb upstairs will go on. You’ll need to turn that off by the way if you don’t want to waste electricity, and you will understand exactly what it was that you were doing wrong.
The professionals will leave and you will have you’re working ice maker. It won’t work immediately though, that would be far too easy. You first have to add water, wait an hour or so, or at least until the desire for ice becomes far too great to resist any longer, and then you can try it out. For the first week or so all will be well in the land of automated ice until of course you get the water and electricity bills that will have spiked from the last month due to the enormous amount of water and electricity you’ve used making gallons of ice. A little extra money here and there is a small price to pay for ice whenever you want but eventually all good things must come to an end.
The ice maker will begin to frustrate you, I know, it seems highly unlikely but I assure you I speak nothing but the truth so stop shaking your head no, people are staring. You will hear strange noises in the night that sound like the house has built up gas and you’ll wonder how much longer you can stand it. The sounds will start quietly at first and before too long you’ll be able to predict every snap, crackle, and pop that emerges from the mouth of your icemaker.
As if the sounds aren’t bad enough, the ice maker will develop a temper and will only give you ice when you don’t want it. Whole ice cubes will become a thing of the past no matter how much ice you’ve put in the reservoir. The ‘crushed’ mode will give you nothing but giant clods of frozen chips, and at least a dozen times in one week, you’ll experience the dreaded ice jam. You will of course call the plumber, the refrigerator doctor, your cousin Fred, the neighbors, and everyone else that you hope will be able to help you. Nothing will work though, eventually your frustration will become so great that you will begin to rue the day that you purchased that confounded thing and will reminisce about the days of simple plastic trays.
Eventually you will reach the breaking point and will have to break the news to your once beloved ice making refrigerator that you are sending it away and that the sight of it disgusts you. There will be tears, and colorful language as there always is when one must leave something that was once loved. For what seems like years there will be a void in your kitchen where your fridge used to be, but someday that gap will be filled with a simple ice-maker-less fridge.
You will wonder how you ever grew tired of this simple machine and its brittle plastic ice trays that refuse to give up the fruit of their bounty unless you twist them to the point that you are certain they will break. If in reading this article I have opened your eyes to the impracticality of ice-makers then my job is done, you see my greatest desire in life is to rid the world of the moody ice maker and maybe even someday bring the ice man back. If you are of a different, more obstinate breed and you still want to try your hand at ice makers then be my guest. I will not be held responsible however when you are sadly disappointed for the simple fact that I warned you. One day you will look back and realize, that though there may be doubt as to my credibility, I knew what I was talking about.
