The Mel Gibson Saga, Chapter 3: Apocolypto is Coming

Well, they finally released the trailer for Mel Gibson’s new snuff film, I mean movie. You can view it here. I think the movie looks like a cross between ‘The Last of the Mohicans’, ‘Goonies’, and TV’s ‘Lost’. But, that’s just me. What do I know, right?

I wrote a fairly controversial article on Mel Gibson (‘The Passion of the Anti-Semite’) right after the whole “fuck the Jews” thing happened, and, as is the case with most of what I write, pretty much everybody hated it. Which led me to this question: “Why does the guy from the Lethal Weapon movies get a free pass when it comes to hating the Jews, but some random internet hack gets slammed for simply having an opinion on the matter?” You don’t have to answer that; it was just a rhetorical question (it’s really the foundation for a whole different article but, no bother, I’m here to talk about Apocolypto).

The second volume of my Mel Gibson articles was a two part series entitled Rob Schneider and South Park: The Mel Gibson Connection. It was a bullshit piece; I was trying to bait some of the angry readers from my “Passion” article into taking a look, because there was this little barb at the very end that was a real zingerâÂ?¦ but alas, nobody read it (except for some guy named Lou Oken, who just wanted to rant about Mel’s bigot father).

But, like I said, that’s another story all together. Let’s move onâÂ?¦

Apocolypto: What to Make of It?

I don’t know, the trailer was fairly short and there’s no dialogue, so what’s there to say? For all I know, Mel Gibson made a very expensive experimental film. Fucker’s so crazy, man, would you really put it past him? To be honest, I don’t have the slightest idea what this movie is about (other than the obvious visual information that it’s about some strange, native race). I don’t want to know, though. I want to see this movie, and I don’t want my viewing to be skewed by anything I read on the internet or in print. However, I do have one fearâÂ?¦

My fear is that there’s going to be an underlying theme. You know what underlying theme I’m talking about. Its initials are JCâÂ?¦. He died for usâÂ?¦You know the theme. This scares me. I would hate to pay 9 bucks only to find out that Apocolypto’s just a long, haughty Jesus freak film. And after ‘Passion of the Christ’, believe me, that is a real valid concern. Now, don’t comment on this article with something like, “You could use some Jesus in your life, Mel rules!” because I don’t want to hear it. I’m a heathen and if you do something like that I’ll put a devil spell on your soul.

Stay tuned for Mel Gibson IV, which will most likely be an homage-article to the fans of Mel and will possibly feature some super-secret breaking news.