The Problems with Honey, We’re Killing Our Kids
Reality television, which is now so recognized that “Best Reality Show” is now a category recognized by the Emmys, is the bread and butter for networks like TLC. The shows are viewed by millions of loyal fans, who are often fed up with Hollywood’s seemingly lackluster creative drive over the last decade; and they are also often a medication for some of our everyday problems. Shows like Trading Spaces and Flip That House and Design on a Dime offer us ways to make our homes look better. Shows like Whose Wedding is it Anyway and Bridezillas show us inventive ways to make our weddings new and original. And shows like The Biggest Loser and Honey, We’re Killing the Kids are designed to help us live healthier lives by letting us relate to people in similar circumstances and seeing how they allegedly overcome those problems. But the fact is, most of these self-help reality shows rely on sensationalism and unrealistic expecations, making it look as if all of life’s problems can be solved in a three week session with a doctor or home designer or wedding planner or marriage counselor. One of the worst of these is Honey, We’re Killing the Kids, which claims to show “how everyday choices can have long-term impacts on children, and offers both the motivation and the know-how to help turn these families’ lives around. “
There are a lot of problems with shows like this, particularly focusing on entire lifestyles that are the result of a lifetime of habit learning and schedules and mannerisms. There is no question that we are not a healthy country – we overeat, are very sedentary, and the statistics alone will tell you that 60% of us are overweight, with people dying from weight-related problems like diabetes and heart conditions every day. But reality shows like Honey, We’re Killing the Kids send messages to us that are full of false hope, and they get their ratings by relying on sensationalism.
Every episode of the show begins with Dr. Lisa Hark, a renowned nutritionist, confronting a self-nominated family who needs to adjust their lifestyle in order to accomplish better overall health and wellbeing for themselves and their children. The parents, often obviously distraught, frustrated, and embarrassed, are stood in front of a large screen, where they are shown computer generated images of what Dr. Hark presumes the kids will look like at the age of 40. The parents are then issued a large heaping portion of guilt as Dr. Hark looks at them accusingly and says, “You are killing your kids.”
After this emotional and depressive start, Dr. Hark sets out to visit the homes of the family, where she plans to initiate a “three week plan to radically improve the whole family’s diet.” She provides the family with two new rules each of the three weeks, which include some of the following:
* Dump the Junk – A rule that encourages the family to go through their cupboards, refrigerator, freezer, and drawers and throw out boxes and garbage bags full of any foods that contain sugra, salt, fat, artifical colors, or foods that are processed in any way (including canned, frozen, and prepared foods)
* Fresh Food – A rule that forces the family to eat only lean meat, fish, chicken, and fresh fruits and vegetables.
* Everybody Cooks – A rule that is designed to involve everyone in the familiy, children included, in the preparation of better meals.
* Limit Screentime – A rule that forces the family members (usually all of them) to limit their television, computer, and video game time to one hour a day, and often sends the family to the local pawn shops and charity stores to get rid of their televisions all together.
* Structured Exercise – A rule that encourages the children to take part in organized activity such as karate classes.
* Schedule This – A rule that is supposed to bring organized order to the chaotic household and provide times for everything like meals, bed, and exercise
* Outdoor Space – A rule that forces the family to spend time outdoors doing things like cleaning up the yard
* Family Fun Day – A rule that compels families to spend a day doing something active, such as horseback riding or spending the day at an activity boot camp.
* On Your Bikes – A rule that coerces the family to ride a mile a day on their bicycles
While on the surface these rules seem to make for a healthier family, the fact is that Honey, We’re Killing the Kids is, in fact, a large dish of false hope, claiming to completely rennovate lives. A closer look at this so called reality show might make you re-think its value.
Problem One – Exploiting Families In Trouble
In their article, “Reality Television – Fun or Blatant Exploitation?”, the Bangkok Post, “Some people seem to simply want to live their lives with the world watching. Even for shows like that, there are thousands more people applying than there are spaces on the show.” In most cases, the families appearing on reality television are not opposed to their problems being broadcast. But in the case of Honey, We’re Killing the Kids, the children involved are being exploited in the most vile way, having their body image and their behavior and even their future possible appearance scrutinized by an audience of TLC watchers all too eager to peer and sneer at their difficulties. TLC, like all networks who market shock TV, depend on this exploitation for ratings.
On top of that, this exploitation that often goes unnoticed at all is exploitation of a very vulnerable group of children. In today’s world, kids grow up looking at pop idols and television stars that are rail thin, muscle bound, with perfect teeth, flawless fashion, and perfectly straight and whitened teeth. For a child who is overweight, this can be a devastating reality, and the children on the third grade playground or in the fifth grade gym classes are not usually kind to their larger counterparts. Children who are overweight in today’s society are social parias, suffering ridicule and constant ostracizing by kids who are average or normal sized. In the excellent book, Rescuing the Emotional Lives of Overweight Children, by Dr. Sylvia Rimm, it is clearly acknowledged that “While overweight children may hear only a collective chorus of ‘You must diet’ and ‘You have to exercise,’ the answer to reducing obesity is to understand what our children are going through.” In fact, eating disorders have become more prevalent in adolescents over the last 20 years, and about 6% of those kids who experience them will die from their disorder. So, obesity is a much deeper problem than a new belt notch or a pair of husky jeans, and shows like this one exploiting children who are already harassed on a daily basis about their physical appearance are not good for the morale of those children. But then, it’s all about the ratings.
Problem Two – Playing to the Cameras
The second problem with Honey, We’re Killing the Kids, is a problem with many reality shows – the “stars” of each episode will play to the cameras. It is a simple human reaction to act differently when you know you are being watched. Anyone who ever spent a childhood Christmas behaving because Santa Clause was coming to town should know this. On a recent episode of Honey, We’re Killing the Kids, a boy named Tyler prayed over his dinner saying “Lord, help me not to throw up”, all while laughing and giggling with his brother and looking into the camera. The fact is, these shows are not objective because the stars know they are being watched and will behave accordingly. Candid Camera got a more honest reaction, and reality television is really just unscripted improv actors being exploited to an eager audience.
Problem Three – Too Extreme, Too Fast
Any nutritionist will tell you that losing weight too fast is dangerous. By the same token, making too many changes in lifestyle is often ineffective because it causes unrealistic goals that will not be met. On Honey, We’re Killing the Kids, the show claims to make “radical changes” in an entire family’s everyday life, but these radical changes are often impossible by human standards.
For example, on a recent episode, a mother named Kim was asked to completely abstain from all sugar, caffeine, and cigarettes immediately, after being a sugar, nicotine, and caffeine addict for most of her life. While all of these things are worthwhile goals, the fact is that piling so much pressure on someone all at once leads to frustration with impossible tasks. In the end, Kim wasn’t able to give up cigarettes, and at the end of the episode, even stated that the plan was working for her kids, but not for her. Placing unreasonable demands on children or adults is not feasible for success. Dr. Hark states at the beginning of the show that “the tougher [she] is the better the results will be,” but the show itself proves her wrong often. Any lifestyle change must be gradual, and that includes dieting, quitting smoking, and incorporating schedule changes in a family’s routine. You cannot undo in three weeks what someone has been doing for 30 or 40 years, as much as TLC would like to think that Dr. Hark is a lifesaver, the simple truth is that she often places impossible demands on people in front of a national audience and expects them to wow the audience with success so that the network looks like the savior of the universe. Kim’s answer to Dr. Hark for these unrealistic demands on her lifelong addictions was, “Lisa, you suck.”
Problem Four – It Just Might Not Last
The other problem with Honey, We’re Killing the Kids is that eventually, the camera crews will leave, Dr. Hark will move on to a new family, and real reality sets back in. Many of the rules that Dr. Hark sets for the family may, in fact, last for the three-week filming session, but in reality may take a quick u-turn as soon as the spotlight is moved elsewhere. And this is to no fault of the families at all, but might fall to more practical reasons like time and finances.
For one thing, the families are asked to use no processed foods at all. This means that meal preparation now requires more time, more work, and more finances than most families are used to – thin families or otherwise. We all know that fresh foods and lean meats are better for us, but it also takes a lot longer to prepare and costs a lot more at the grocery store. Your average cost for a can of tomatoes is 30 cents; while a few roma tomatoes from the produce aisle may cost nearly three dollars. You can purchase pre-cooked meats (like chicken patties or fish sticks) for much cheaper than you could buy fresh steak or chicken breast. The show claims that the participants are “spending a fraction of their usual grocery budget,” but this is simply not true. And, on top of the financial aspect, it takes much more time to prepare fresh meals from scratch – time being something most families don’t have. On Honey, We’re Killiing the Kids, the families are expected to all pitch in to prepare fresher, healthier meals, but many of them do not succeed at this. The narrator of the show recently said about one family that the evening “meal had taken three hours to prepare, and it was nearly 11 p.m. by the time dinner was done.” Most families, particularly those where both parents are working, simply don’t have three hours to dedicate to making dinner while still getting their children to bed at a reasonable hour. It is naive to think that most families can reasonably undo their entire routine to accommodate such a large new food budget or cooking schedule.
In addition, the families are often expected to work many new things into their schedules for the sake of physical activity and exercise. Again, an honorable attempt, but one that is not well thought through. While struggling to make fresh meals with more expensive food, the show incorporates rules for the family such as Structured Exercise and On Your Bikes, meaning that these already stressed families are supposed to make time for mile-long bike rides and karate lessons that cost both time and money. Exercise is important for good health and weight loss, but the problem with Honey, We’re Killing the Kids is that these things are expected to be completely integrated within the three weeks so that at the end of the show, Dr. Hark can smile proudly and show them the results of their three-week alleged life changes. One mother recently said, “I’m so exhausted…I can’t believe I’ve got another three weeks to do this.” And while she did manage to work under this hectic schedule for the three weeks for the show, the fact remains that she’d be expected to continue it for the rest of her life, which is probably not possible.
The show does try to eliminate the amount of time that the families spend on the internet or watching TV, which is ironic, considering that they want you to watch THEIR show, and are quick to send you to their website to learn more about the show -all while blasting you with fast food commercials in between station breaks.
Problem Five – TLC is NOT Nostradamus
The one other problem with Honey, We’re Killing the Kids is the self-assuming, doom and gloom alleged omnicience of Dr. Hark and her “experts”. In the beginning of the show, Hark makes remarks to the parents like “This is how he will age,” or “She will look like this at age 40,” going so far as to even predict the life expectancy of people’s children so as to scare them into a parental guilt complex that will work well for the show. The fact is that even with a computer aging program and all the weighing, measuring, testing, and diet evaluation, no one can predict how long another will live or accurately presume that they will look a certain way. The show uses sensationalist tactics like giving cavities and thick glasses and messy hair to the aged images before, and giving them perfect skin and whitened teeth and styled hair and fashions in the after photos. False gloom and false hope brought to you by a nutritionist who probably cannot even accurately predict her own health future. Dr. Hark’s announcement that “If she follows my guidelines, she will be happier and healthier and look like this at age 40″ should really be taken with a grain of salt because, really, it is a matter of opinion based on projections that leave out a lot of factors and possible outcomes.
While Honey, We’re Killing the Kids is an admirable effort to eliminate the childhood obesity epidemic, it is not THE answer that TLC would want you to believe it is so that you get addicted to the one thing it preaches against – sitting on your couch watching television. Food ads even appear during the show. The network does not care about the health of the participants or the audience, as long as we are alive long enough for the Nielsen ratings to catch up with us.
Instead of relying on Honey, We’re Killing the Kids‘ suggestions of unrealistic goals, exploitation of kids who are already social outcasts, expectations for us to cook more expensive foods and spend more time that we don’t have to do ridiculous things like joining a boot camp, and completely upheaving our daily lives, we should rely on the old-fashioned method of better health. Better portion control. Integrating realistic exercise and physical activity goals. Educating ourselves about how to eat nutritiously at home, at work, at school, and in restaurants. And rewarding ourselves and our kids for good health behavior. These are time-tested methods that take a lot longer than three weeks and last a lot longer than TLC’s ratings week.
