The Right Age: Dating and Maturity

My friend J is going to be 24 at the end of this month. I told him that sometimes I forget that he is so young, then he says or does something silly that brings me right back. To put this in perspective, this conversation happened over AIM, which doesn’t always allow you to really capture the emotion of ones words. So naturally his reaction to my statement was somewhere between confusion and possibly offense (couldn’t tell, AIM). I explained to him that he is so much more mature than most 23-year-old guys. Most 22-year-old women would not want to date a 23-year-old guy because of their maturity level. I could see myself dating J, or someone with his maturity level, even if he was 23. Although he thanked me and took it as a compliment, like a true Aries, he still had to express his disagreement with my latter statement. He said, “I’ll agree that they might want different things in a relationship, but I don’t know if it’s true that the guy isn’t mature enough for the woman.” Then he told me that I should do a column on it, so that he could dispute it. If I know J as well as I think I do, I know that no matter what I wrote he’d find something to dispute, even if it was one statement that was totally removed from the point of the entire article. Although I lovingly invite J’s argumentative nature, and sort of enjoy our friendly endless bouts, he can’t argue with the opinions of his peers. Actually, he will, but he’ll be wrong.

So I asked the experts-well not experts-but men and women in their twenties from all over the country: Are 23-year-old men too young for 22-year-old women to date?

“It’s on a person to person basis. I agree that women do mature faster [than men] but it depends on the person. You could have a 22-year-old woman who acts like she’s 17,” Ryan, 23, Yonkers NY.

“I think that like a lot of things in life, it all depends on each individual’s maturity level. I would like to wish that older men are better for younger women because they are more independent, secure of themselves, mature, and as an added perk they should have more money in the bank to lavish on their young mistresses. But this could also be the case for a 24 year old guy. Hence it all depends on the person. I just don’t think that it is as simple as saying someone is this age thus they act like this. But here I am as a 24 year old girl dating a 27 year old guy and I am not sure if he really has all the qualities of an older man that I just mentioned. Sometimes I feel more mature than him-or maybe just more confused,” Bridget, 24, Omaha NE.

“Generally no [22 year-old-women shouldn’t date 23-year-old men]. There might be an odd chance that you find a mature guy. But in general, it’s a bad idea. I wouldn’t do it.” Kia, 23, Roselle Park NJ.

“Age is just a number, of course, but when it comes to dating there is one fundamental fact about women. The majority of women mature faster than guys, regardless of how adamantly we may argue against it. However, I will attest that if genuine interest is [there], the age is as irrelevant as their prior suitors.” James Baldwin III, 27, Columbus OH.

“We all know that women mature faster than men and a 23-year-old man is simply not mature enough to date a 22-year-old woman. I suppose there could be exceptions to that rule. But 99.99% of the time, it’s not going to work.” Kelly, 26, Bronx NY