The ‘Skins Fans, Joe and T.O.?
Paging Terrell Owens! Paging Terrell Owens!
With all the trouble you’ve created for yourself as of late, I still have hope that you can have a lengthy NFL career, if not ending with my beloved Washington Redskins, at least ending with a shred of sanity intact. I’m sure Donovan McNabb would agree. True, we know you’re fabulous at what you do. But let’s face it, dude, you’ve got some history. Talk about displaced hostility and narcissisim all rolled up into one! But I won’t get into all that. Certainly, I’m sure there are many a Redskins fan who would love to have T.O. trek his way down interstate 95-south away from the mad-as-hell Philadelphians of Lincoln Financial Field and park his maniacal, attention-seeking rear end at FedEx Field on any given sunday. But, before you pack your bags, T.O., be cautioned, uh, there are few things you should know…
There are rules to be followed in these parts. For the most part, the Washington Redskins are a mostly tame and rather well-respected team at the moment. Yeah, there might be an instance here and there where a player has had a minor scrape with the law, but nothing as career-threatening or catastrophic as you tend to be. Too, a lot of that mild mannered demeanor of the Redskins can be attributed to their very own: those sometimes unforgiving, yet die-hard fans of the ‘Skins. They’ve raised the ‘Skins well. Believe me, you wouldn’t want to get on their bad side. Just be in attendance at FedEx Field when they’re pissed off about anything ‘Skins-related. They’ll rock the stands to what feels like the verge of collapse and they’ll boo and hiss so loudly, even at their own, you’ll swear on the bible to never upset them again. Redskins fans are a moody, yet passionate bunch. Absolute fanatics. They either love you ten-fold or hate you ten-fold. You’re either friend or foe. There’s no in between with a ‘Skins fan. Sure, a player can louse it up big time by clumsily dropping the ball, idiotically missing a no-brainer field goal, or, God forbid, psychotically handing the ball to the other team. But if it’s redeemption and forgivesness you seek, the next time the ball is in your hand, you just better come correct and come correct in a big way if you intend on remaining in the nations capital with your manhood intact. Sometimes the team as a whole may appear a bit beatdown and clueless on the field, but I’d like to think it’s just an optical illusion and it makes great television. If you give it until a quarter or two has passed, Clinton Portis will show there’s still some amazing tricks to be performed. ‘Skins fans take Redskins football as serious as, well, as serious as you take yourself, T.O. And if you’re thinking about showing blatant disrespect the coach…and the coach just happens to be Joe Gibbs? Disrespect and Joe Gibbs in the same sentence? Oxymoron alert, I do declare! Fella, don’t even think about it. There’ll be none of that. We’ll have you outta there on the next flight out. Heck, we’ll even let you choose: BWI, Dulles or National airports. In the mind of an avid Redskins fan, Joe Gibbs is the closest thing we’ve got to the Almighty. T.O., there may come a time, and justifiably so, when you may feel the need to toss an ill word tor two in the direction of a badly perfoming Brunnell, which he can sometimes be, but criticism of Coach Gibbs will not be tolerated here. Who cares if you agree or disagree with his decision on a play? We don’t wanna hear it. Here, we let Joe do Joe. Redskins owner, Little Danny Snyder or any prescholer will tell you when you consult the dictionary for words like: honor, respect, integrity, dignity, spititual, legend, hero, and I’ll even throw sexy in there, too, an enlarged, gleeming oil portrait of Joe Gibbs is what you’ll find. Inside and outside the national capital beltway, the ground he walks is treasured. So again, be warned, don’t even go there.
T.O., I’d say after a stringent course on being a team player, a strong verbal consult from Coach Gibbs, a stern slap on the hand from the ‘Skins fans, your continued athletic dynamics on the field along with a periodic session on the couch of a shrink, you could have become a great asset to the Redskins organization and ultimately returning them to their unforgettable days of glory. If Clinton Portis wasn’t doing what he is paid to do and doing it well, I might add, dude, we’d love to have you. But, so far so good. It would be awesome to have you go out at your positon on top as a Redskin with style and grace the way Darrell Green so admirably did it. From the way it looks, there’s still time to get in check all that’s gnawing away at that mischievous psyche you have. Hey, I can dream, can’t I? That’s right, T.O., I’d bet Washington would have welcomed you with open arms and a red, white and blue, come hither look that would say, “we’ve been waiting for you.” And for the skeptics who would ponder the thought of you possibly repeating your tireless episodes of ranting and raving and childish attention-seeking tactics, be assured the ‘Skins fans have the best remedies for whatever ails you.
