The Tank: It’s Not Just a Kid’s Firework
If you don’t know what a firework tank is, you’ve lead a sheltered, or over privileged life. Either way, you have missed out on one of the most entertaining little fireworks on the market today. Ok, so I know you are thinking that I have obviously lost my mind. The tank might have been fun as a kid, but as you grew up you realized it was pretty lame overall; it doesn’t really roll, it only shoots some sparks, and it only lasts for a very short time. I admit that the tank, as a single unit, is about as fun as sitting out on the back porch tossing firecrackers into the yard one at a time for three hours, but the tank can be a riot for you and everyone watching.
Even with the tanks you don’t have to ditch the bigger is better philosophy, instead, you just use that bigger budget, you know, the one you didn’t have when you were a kid, to buy more tanks. When we were young, we might have sat and lit each tank off one at a time and enjoyed watching them from start to finish, but that’s not so much fun anymore. We desire chaos, explosions and spectacle. Instead of a simple single tank burning away its brief little life on the sidewalk, we will have an army of tanks facing off against another army of tanks in an all out war for dominance of the patio (although I would recommend a large piece of plywood because this is likely to get a little messy).
Line the tanks up on opposite sides facing each other in any fashion that you please. Be sure that you have easy access to all of the wicks (part of the fun is trying to get as many lit as possible before you end up getting burned). Here’s what makes the war real chaos. Scatter small strings of firecrackers in the middle of the battlefield. Add smoke bombs and flash pots as you see fit as well. Any left over packaging you have, bend it up to make it look like buildings and encampments while also placing a variety of fireworks underneath the buildings, wicks out, so that the buildings will be demolished in the ensuing firefight. Get as creative as you can, half of the fun of the tank battle lies in the set-up part, the other half being the destruction. Finally, we want our tanks to explode and burst into flames if at all possible, so we need to rig them to die. This is actually a simple process. Carefully open the cardboard tank and place one of three items inside; a smokebomb, a flashpot, or a firecracker. As the tank is lit and starts its spectacle, it will also light the item inside, causing it to smoke, burst into flames, or explode depending on what you put inside. After set-up is complete, you want to wait for dusk. It is best to set the battle off when there is enough light to see the tanks and buildings, but it is dark enough to enjoy the chaotic light show of the firecrackers and flashpots.
Get as many lighters and friends together as possible and start lighting. Remember to run when the first tank starts going off because it is going to get really dangerous really fast. After the first wave of tanks dies out, run back in and light the next wave. Repeat this until all tanks are done and the field is a pile of rubble. Sweep all of the items towards the middle and wait for the few burning tanks to light everything else on fire. Make sure to stand back because this will detonate any unexploded ordinance and send some ashes flying. Enjoy the fire and the rest of your Fourth.
