The Truth About Santa Claus and a Few Other Holiday Urban Legends

Every year around Christmas time, a discussion comes up between my daughter and I and it involves Santa Claus. The big question is always, “Does Santa Claus really exist?” Well, obviously the answer is “YES – of course he does!” I know for a fact that Santa exists, because I have a photo of him that my mother took when I was three. It’s plain as day: There’s Santa Claus scooting around my living room putting presents under the tree.

It just gets my goat the way some people refuse to believe in Santa Claus. If the question ever comes up, you can go right ahead and ask me, and I’ll set you straight on whether or not the Santa Claus is real. If photographic evidence isn’t enough for you, I’ve got witnesses that can testify to the fact that I sat on Santa Claus’ knee at a Wal-Mart back in’67. So there you go: a timeline, a motive, witnesses, and photographic evidence. I might even have a got a candy cane out of the deal. And what’s more I got Special Forces GI Joe that i wrote him a letter about. So don’t tell me Santa Claus isn’t happening.

And while I’m at it, I’d like to set the record straight concerning a couple of other urban legends as well:

First up is Frosty the Snowman: I haven’t actually seen Frosty the Snowman in person. I mean, I’ve made snowmen, and a few of them have been pretty darn realistic. But none of them spoke, and none of them moved. Between the ages of 4 and 7, I probably spent a couple of hours each winter standing in front of my snowman and wishing it would shake a leg or throw a snow ball. But the only thing my snowman ever made did was melt. But again, that’s me. Who’s to say that some young lad didn’t have a lot more luck than I did? After all, the movie “Jack Frost” documented a story about a snowman that came to life, so you never know. Frosty the Snowman and Bigfoot. Both cut from the same cloth if you ask me.

Next on the list are Christmas bears. You know the ones I’m talking about. The Christmas bears that lounge around the North Pole, watching the winter solstice and drinking Coca Cola. I just don’t believe they exist. But that’s only because I don’t think a Coca Cola distributor can make it out that far. And don’t tell me the bears keep their soft drinks in a cooler. That there are Christmas bears (well, polar bears anyway) is not the issue. But I’m not buying into the whole Coca Cola thing. Sorry, it smells too much of marketing strategy gone awry.

Next up is the Christmas Angel. Of course there’s a Christmas angel. I think there’s a smear campaign going on that’s trying to say the Christmas Angel is a bunch of hooey, that the angel exists only as a small ornament that you place on top of the tree. These rumors are probably coming from the same group that that’s talking trash about Santa Claus. I have seen the Christmas angelâÂ?¦she came to me in the form of my daughter on the day she was born. I don’t know how much more proof you can have than that. If my kid isn’t an angel than miracles don’t happen. And don’t you dare tell me that miracles don’t happen.

I’ll concede on the Grinch. You know the guy – the Grinch who stole Christmas. Again, we’re talking about an out-of-towner. Until we’re actually walking on that guy’s turf can we really say he doesn’t exist? I’ve never seen the Grinch that Doctor Seuss wrote about, but I think I’ve worked with the Grinch’s cousin. In fact I think I’ve worked with the Grinch’s cousin’s cousin also. I met them both while I was serving in the military. Two guys who could suck the oxygen out of a room just by entering it. Fortunately they didn’t work in the same office. The only difference between these guys and the actual Grinch was that the Grinch was green and hairy. I’m sure you’ve probably worked with a Grinch or two in your time as well.

So there you have it. Holiday urban legends.Just remember even the most outlandish story has a sprinkling of truth in it somewhere. Might be realâÂ?¦might not. That is, except for Santa Claus. Remember I have photo’s.