There Are No Nude Beaches in Alessandria!
Now, I’ve been living in Europe for most of my life and nudity is just not that big a deal. Or maybe it IS a big deal if you’re a foreigner. In Italy, you can see pretty much full nudity on every type of advertising in print and on television – from cereal and toothpaste to cell phones. If someone can figure out how to convey nudity on the radio, I’m sure that’ll be the next big thing in Italy. At the beach, women lie about topless and they don’t even register a blip from other Europeans or Italians (Americans, I’ve noticed do tend to gawk and try to snap a photo or two). Anyway, it comes as no surprise that in Sharm el Shek – which easily garners 80% of its tourists from Italy and Europe – topless sunbathing, swimming and general nudity is all par for the course.
Having established that, I’m not sure if our Egyptian hosts in that neck of the woods are all that keen on it. The tourist areas – like I said – don’t seem to get all in a huff. The less-manicured areas seem to play by a different set of rules.
Several years ago my wife and I stayed in Cairo at the Grand Hyatt. A stunning hotel that creates quite a contrast with all the rampant poverty. Huge pool at the Hyatt. Lots of high-brow Middle Eastern families splishing and splashing. One late afternoon, management came to me and ever-so-humbly asked ” would I please not demonstrate any more public displays of affection to my wife” as it was offending one of the guests and his family. I’m not sure what the display of affection was – I’m reasonably sure my wife wasn’t floating in the middle of the pool moaning like Meg Ryan – but whatever it was; the display didn’t jibe with the local culture. I also experienced a true techno-color moment when I noticed that my wife and I were the only foreigners at the pool. And everyone else was staring. And it sure felt like the men were staring at ME. Bad timing to be sure.
Ten days later – after a tour along the Nile – we decided on a whim to spend our last 4 days in Alessandria. Our tour operator recommended it. Said it was THE place to be. I was not so sure, but I figured what the heck. You only live once. Alessandria is not Sharm el Shek. Sure, Cleopatra may have romanced Mark Anthony in Alessandria back in the day, but when we were there it was far from being a haven for Hugh Hefner and his Playmates.
We checked into our hotel and I decided to check out the beach. My wife promised to be “…down there in a second in her new swimsuitâÂ?¦!” I rolled my eyes, casually remembering the incident in Cairo.
When I got to the beach, low and behold there were dozens of women – all dressed in veils, the only portion of their bodies exposed to the rolling surf: their feet and ankles! Several men, who I assume were husbands, were wearing suits and ties at sitting in lawn chairs reading newspapers. At that moment I heard my wife in the back round, “âÂ?¦Ready or notâÂ?¦here I comeâÂ?¦!” She came bounding over a small sand dune wearing 3 pieces of red fabric that I guess was supposed to be a bikini, and life for me at that moment came to a crashing halt: somewhere a record loudly scratched, the waves stopped moving, birds dropped out of the sky and about 2 dozen large boned women dressed in black started to shrill at the top of their lungs. And all my wife could say was, “âÂ?¦Tell me the truthâÂ?¦you don’t like the color red, do youâÂ?¦?”
We left Alessandria 3 days early.
Which brings me back to topless sunbathing in Sharm el Shek.
Two years ago we went to Sharm and loved it. My wife – who now carries a few more extra pounds than when we went to Alexandria – could happily lie topless in the sand and fry like a pork shank and not offend anyone. Plenty of other women of all shapes and sizes did the same.
I’m not sure you can get away with that in Cairo these days and I’m REAL sure you can’t do that in Alexandria.
But whatever you do, don’t forget the sun block.
