Things You Shouldn’t Do in Other People’s Houses
Never set one someone’s couch and put your feet up on the coffee table
Don’t use the bathroom to empty your bowels, especially if the bathroom is located next to the kitchen
Don’t use the pretty arm towels conveniently hanging by the toilet when you discover they don’t have any toilet paper
Offer to wash the dishes after you’ve been invited to dinner or offer to have the family pet lick them clean
Putting a plate of food on the floor for the dog to eat off of
Using the phone to make long distance calls
Jumping on someone else’s computer, especially with the intent to download large files or look at pornographic material
Taking a seat that someone else was sitting in
Trying to control the house hold because you think their rules suck
Farting and belching while at the dinner table
Leaving a mess around the house after doing something
Turning on the TV without permission
Rifling through the bill slot
Going through closets
Walking into the house with dirty shoes
Coming over with Body Odor
Digging through the fridge
Inviting yourself to dinner
Acting as if you live at the home
Jumping into conversations
Taken up space on the furniture
Walking into someone’s house without knocking
Taking over someone’s belongings
Commenting about there ugly new psychedelic furniture in a negative way
Pushing your beliefs on them
Cussing like a sailor
Reprimanding there children
Bringing your pet into the house as an extra visitor
Letting rover outside to relieve himself without permission
Inviting yourself into plans that the family has made
Rifling through there medicine cabinet and filling your purse with the contents
Borrowing money from the over stuffed piggy bank sitting in the living room
Bringing laundry with you to be washed because your washer is out of service
Kicking over lawn ornaments and fibbing and saying you tripped
Over staying your welcome
Ordering a large pizza and counting on one of the members of the household to pay for it
Yelling at someone from across the noisy room
Talking over someone’s TV show
Putting on there clothes without asking
Suggest that there house needs cleaned or that the walls need painted, and then offer to fix the problems for a hefty fee
Breaking something and then hiding it for the children to get blamed for it later
Blaming the family pet for the wet spot in the carpet
Antagonizing the children at the dinner table or anywhere else in the house
Telling family members that they look bad
Fondling there hundred thousand dollar vase
Arranging there furniture
Straighten out there pictures because your OCD is in over drive
Snooping through rooms in the house without permission
No matter what it may be never use the last of anything
No writing your name in the dust on the furniture
Don’t graffiti your name and when you where last there on there chipped walls
When you’re invited to there house don’t bring extra guest with you
Don’t help yourself to there cigarettes
Don’t burn holes in the furniture then flip there cushion over to hide it