Things to Do with Beer Cans
Look for Wounded Soldiers
Not all of the beer might be gone. Don’t drink any remaining beer whatever you do, as it will be lukewarm, bland sludge; essentially water with beer flavoring. It’s as if Country Time had powdered Natty that you could mix in with water and drink. You can either empty the beer down the sink, or you can try something fun. Take a shallow bowl, plate, or lid of something and pour the beer remnants into it. Now put the reservoir in your yard and wait for slugs to show up. Apparently they like they beer and will go for it. After a couple of days you’re bound to see a few dead and bloated slugs floating in old beer.
Bowl
Set up empty beer cans at the end of a long hallway in a triangular fashion, like pins at a bowling alley. Take a baseball or other small spherical object and stand at the other end of the hallway. Let her rip and record your score against a buddy. Make sure that no one is sleeping while you do this. Or at least make sure it’s a person you have a thing for who you know won’t care that you’re making a racket in the name of whimsy. Hell, he or she might even play with you if you ask.
Make Christmas Ornaments
If people can adorn their yards with those tacky-ass gigantic snow globes that they sell at Walmart, then you can make Christmas tree ornaments out of empty beer cans. Just loop some string around the tab, and the other end around a branch. Voila, you’ve got a pretty tree.
Hit the Cans with a Bat
Take the stash of empty cans out into your yard with a baseball bat. Now, whack the things to your heart’s content. You can even make a game out of it. Draw a line in the dirt or put a stick down to represent a foul like. Now, get a friend who likes hitting things and then take turns seeing who can hit a can the farthest.
Grow Something in Them
Take a hammer and a nail. Turn a can upside down and use the hammer and nail to poke a couple of holes through the aluminum. These will act as drainage holes so your plant won’t get soggy or succumb to root rot. You’ll probably need to cut the top off the cans to get this to work. Use some metal cutters to accomplish this unless you want to dull your kitchen scissors. Put some potting soil loosely into the can and poke a half-inch hole in the surface with your finger. Drop a seed in it, it doesn’t matter what kind. It could be dandelions, marigolds, weed, whatever floats your boat. Lightly sprinkle some dirt over the seed and water it with about a quarter cup of water. Water every other day and keep your beer plant on the windowsill or other sunny place.
Fill the Cans with Dirt
Drop some dirt into each can. They are now heavier than they were.
Make a Tower
Find as many cans as possible and begin to stack them into various structures. If you have several hundred beer cans, you can make very large buildings like castles or apartment complexes. If you have some action figures, launch a siege on the newly constructed edifice.
Sink Them
Fill a sink with water so that you have a pool at least eight inches deep. Now, place a bunch of small rocks into a can, and then float it on the surface of the water. See how many rocks it takes to make the can sink. Then imagine Paris Hilton is inside the can.
Make a Necklace
Poke a hole in the bottom of the cans with a hammer and nail as described with the “grow something in them” section. Take a long piece of string and thread it through a number of punctured cans. Tie the string behind your neck. You now have a necklace of beer cans. Leap out and scare people.
Recycle Them!
Whatever the hell you do with the beer cans, remember to recycle them.
