This Business with the Devil, Part I: The Truth About Satanism

I want to make it abundantly clear that I am not trying to make any sweeping judgments or any concise, religious analysis with this new series of articles. I have learned a little here and there about a myriad of different things and somehow they’ve come together and shot out the tips of my fingers into this smattering of thoughts on Satanism. Much of this isn’t about Satanism at all though because I simply don’t have enough facts or gusto to enter that realm. So you can disregard the title if you want; it might be better if you did that anyway . I have come to appreciate what I like to call Fake Satanism. Much of my appreciation for Fake Satanism comes from rock n’ roll music and internet art. It’s my own “religion” of sorts. Let’s dance, shall we?

Ever since I was little, or at least since I was in high school, I have appreciated devil nomenclature more than any openly normal kid probably should. And when I say devil nomenclature I don’t mean Satan or Aleister Crowley or the Church of Satan or any of that shit. One day I will probably read the literature that is associated with those things, but for now I still have to read the new Augusten Burroughs memoir. In other words, the time will come when I am ready.

So there will be no truth about Satanism here, not now at least, but I would like to tell you what I mean by tap dancing in the shadow of the fake dark prince. Perhaps, you’ve done it too? If you’ve ever drawn a pentagram with shaving cream on Halloween night or scrawled 666 on the backdoor of a restroom stall, then you have celebrated this notion of Fake Satanism. Now, it’s completely plausible that you did this stuff because you are a very real Satanist, in which case you may have already put a demon spell on me because I’ve made fun of your religion; Let’s this isn’t the case. Fake Satanism, I’m guessing, isn’t all that different from the real thing. It’s usually practiced by society’s outcasts, the dudes who wear black and rally against the status quo, right?

Not really. I don’t wear black anymore than I wear green or blue or red. I don’t even own a Misfits T-shirt (I do own a W.A.S.P. shirt though, if that counts). The point is this: you can celebrate dark things without A) actually being dark or B) becoming a full-blown devil worshiping loony. I don’t know any, but I’m sure extreme Satanists aren’t any worse than extreme Evangelicals. In fact, I’m certain that they’re actually quite better.

TO BE CONTINUED