Tibetan Soul-Mate Finder: Meditate Your Way to Romance
This is guaranteed to help you find your true soul-mate and make them fall in love with you within the next eleven days. A girl at my office did it and now she’s engaged to a guy that’s really perfect for her.
You’ll need a pencil. It’s only four questions, but once you start you must finish it without stopping or something really bad will happen to you. This other girl at the office took a phone call while she was doing it, and that night her cat scratched her face so badly that she had to go to the emergency room and missed the season finale of The O.C..
Ready?
Begin.
Don’t scroll ahead. Something bad will happen.
To make things easier, you will add your score as you go. The total number of points equals your Tibetan Soul-Mate Score, however, higher totals do not correlate to more attractive life partners. Avoid basing answers on point value. A girl I sent this to did that and she ended up with Stephen Hawking as a soul mate. No offense Stephen!!!
In each of the questions, or meditations, below, you are to imagine you are having a dream.
Meditation One
In the first dream, you have finished packing your bags for a trip where you know you will be stranded alone on a desert island for six weeks. You have everything you need to be comfortable, but, as you leave, you realize you have forgotten to pack one item. You run back and stick it in your bag.
What is it?
Bible 2
Ipod 1
Vibrator 5
Ibuprofen 4
Peyote Buttons 3
Meditation Two
In the second dream, you meet a kindly old woman in a forest. Somehow you know that she is your ancestor and that she was burned as a witch in the fourteenth century. She gives you a songbird in a cage made out of woven twigs. What do you name the bird?
Maya -1
Maria 2
Steve 1
Spork 0
In the third dream, a close friend is getting married. Choose which friend now. Don’t scroll ahead before you choose! A girl at work did that and her computer got a virus and the guy who came to fix it was really gross and wouldn’t do anything until she agreed to go to lunch with him.
Ready?
Meditation Three
In your third dream, an ancient ancestor again appears to you. This time it is a young boy with pale skin and enormous sea-green eyes. He opens a small golden box shaped like a pumpkin and says you must take one of the following traits from the soul of your friend’s betrothed and put it into the box forever. Which trait do you steal from his or her soul? Remember, you are choosing what would be best for your friend not for you.
Honesty 4
Humor 5
Intellect -1
Creativity -2
Compassion -2
Meditation Four
In the fourth and final dream it is you that is getting married. The guests are already seated. You find yourself naked and alone in what seems to be a Sunday school classroom that is empty of everything but children’s desks and a blackboard with the words “George Bush is an Idiot” written in pink chalk. You discover you can wipe off some of this chalk to use as eyeshadow and blush. When you turn around, you find that a pair of child’s scissors and a roll of clear packing tape have appeared on top of one of the desks. At the far end of the room, a strange assortment of other items has appeared.
Select no fewer than two but no more than four of the items from the list of materials below with which to create your bridal outfit:
American Flag 1
Man’s Xtra Large London Fog Raincoat (Black, Badly Stained) 1
Four Empty Plastic Bags printed “ICE (20 Lbs.)” in White and Blue 1
Tan Tablecloth with Large Girl Scout Emblem in Center 4
Hello Kitty Twin Sheet 2
Pink Beaded Curtain 4
Nordstrom Shopping Bag 1
Bridget Jones Poster 4
Black Leather Belt 2
Roll of Brawny Paper Towels 1
Red Satin Throw Pillow 2
White Latex Gloves 3
Purple Fiber Fill Sleeping Bag 2
Green Feather Boa 4
Sky Blue Tights 1
Leopard Print Boxer Shorts 3
Roll of Silver Duct Tape 2
Roll of Aluminum Foil 1
Large Laminated Map of the United States 3
Don’t scroll down until you have selected your items. You’re almost done!
Now visualize your wedding dress (or, if you’re gay, and don’t want to wear a dress, your wedding outfit, ok?) No scrolling! Sven, the guy in the cube next to me, scrolled down without visualizing and the two days later he woke up a Mormon. I’m not kidding!!
To identify the celebrity who most closely matches your soul mate, scroll to the heading below which matches your answer to Meditation One. For example. If you answered Bible to Meditation One, and your total score is 14, your perfect partner is someone who reminds you of Walter Crokite. Ok, but before you do that, visualize your outfit again. Now look at the list below and add the item listed next to your Meditation One answer to your visualizaion.
Bible = Gold Cross on Gold Chain
Ipod = Manalo Blahnik Footwear
Vibrator = Veil and pearls
Ibuprofen = Birthstone Earings and Haircomb
Peyote = Wildflower Bouquet
So unless you answered Ipod to Question One, you’re barefoot, right? Are you visualizing?
This really works!! Visualize!
Ok. Find your perfect celebrity Tibetan Soul-Mate below!
Bible
0 Rasputin, 1 Arnold Schwartzeneger, 2 Leonardo DiCaprio, 3 Emilio Estevez, 4 Charles Manson, 5 David Soul, 6 David Cassidy, 7 Carlton the Doorman, 8 Kato Kalin, 9 Ewan McGregor, 10 Yanni, 11 Schroeder, 12 Jerry Falwell, 13 Spike Lee, 14 Walter Cronkite, 15 George Clooney, 16 Richard Simmons, 17 Sean Connery, 18 Pierce Brosnan, 19 Jimmy Hendrix, 20 Mr. Clean, 21 Jeb Bush, 22 Pat Buchanan, 23 John Wayne, 24 Michael Landon, 25 Herman Munster, 26 Mark MacGwire, 27 John Denver, 28 Stephen Hawking
Ipod
0 Leonardo DiCaprio, 1 Emilio Estevez, 2 Jerry Springer, 3 Peter Jennings, 4 Charles Darwin, 5 Usher, 6 Kermit, 7 Isaac Hayes, 8 Kato Kalin, 9 Ewan McGregor, 10 Yanni, 11 Schroeder, 12 Pierce Brosnan, 13 Jimmy Hendrix, 12 Timothy Leary, 13 Michael Landon, 14 Michael Jackson, 15 Dr. Jack Kevorkian, 16 Albert Einstein, 17 Mr. Clean, 18 Timothy Leary, 19 Beck, 20 Michael Landon, 21 Michael Jackson, 22 David Cassidy, 23 Charles Manson, 24 Marilyn Manson, 25 Stephen Hawking, 26 Dame Edna, 27 Bill Gates, 28 Richard Burton
Vibrator
0 Newt Gingrich, 1 Jimmy Hendrix, 2 Timothy Leary, 3 Michael Landon, 4 Michael Jackson, 5 Dr. Jack Kevorkian, 6 Albert Einstein, 7 Mr. Clean, 8 Timothy Leary, 9 Beck, 10 Michael Landon, 11 Michael Jackson, 12 David Cassidy, 13 Charles Manson, 14 Monty Hall, 15 Richard Burton, 16 Richard Simmons, 17 Sean Connery, 18 Pierce Brosnan, 19 Jimmy Hendrix, 20 Brad Pitt, 21 Jeb Bush, 22 Pat Buchanan, 23 Beck, 24 Dick Clark, 25 Johnny Depp, 26 Mark MacGwire, 27 John Denver, 28 Rasputin
Ibuprofen
0 Jerry Springer, 1 George Michael, 2 Jerry Falwell, 3 Spike Lee, 4 Walter Cronkite, 5 George Clooney, 6 Richard Burton, 7 Sean Connery, 8 Kermit, 9 Jimmy Hendrix, 10 Mr. Clean, 11 Jeb Bush, 12 Pat Buchanan, 13 Boris Karloff, 14 Michael Landon, 15 Howard Hughes, 16 Mark MacGwire, 17 John Denver, 18 Col. Sanders, 19 Tarzan, 20 Leonardo DiCaprio, 21 Sylvester Stallone, 22 Michael Landon, 23 C. Everett Coop, 24 Ringo Starr, 25 Johnny Carson, 26 Luciano Pavorotti, 27 Clint Eastwood, 28 Warren Beatty
Peyote Buttons
0 Richard Burton, 1 John Lennon, 2 Leonardo DiCaprio, 3 Emilio Estevez, 4 Charles Manson, 5 C. Everett Coop, 6 David Cassidy, 7 Charlie Rose, 8 Kato Kalin, 9 Ewan McGregor, 10 Yanni, 11 Harry Potter, 12 Pope John Paul II, 13 Spike Lee, 14 Walter Cronkite, 15 George Clooney, 16 Usher, 17 Sean Connery, 18 Pierce Brosnan, 19 Gerry Garcia, 20 Mr. Clean, 21 Ringo Starr, 22 Pat Buchanan, 23 Beck, 24 Michael Landon, 25 Howie Mandell, 26 Arnold Schwartznegger, 27 John Kerry, 28 Linus
This is the real-life celebrity who is most like your real true love. It might be their eyes, or their voice, or even the way they seem to ignore you when you first meet … but something about them will really really remind you of this person. Even if you don’t think so, it’s true. If you aren’t happy about it, go ahead and try to hook up with someone more like the person you think you are destined to spend your life with, even if though that is impossible because you will only be truly happy with someone who reminds you of your Tibetan Soul-Mate. You can always hope to get reincarnated later and have a more appealing soul mate next time around.
Or you can forward this message to five (5) of your friends and the Tibetan Soul-Mate Curse will be lifted from you forever!! You can even try the quiz again and see if maybe you made a mistake the first time, but only after you have forwarded this message to five (5) other people.
Meet Your Soul-Mate
On the other hand, if you are evolved enough to accept that your Tibetan Soul Mate is really right for you, all you have to do to actually meet that person is draw a picture of yourself in the wedding outfit you visualized in Meditation Four (including the extra item(s) you added to your visualization based on your answer to Meditation One). Not only will you meet that person within 72 hours of finishing the drawing, but Microsoft will send you a check for $100. Just kidding, but this really works!!!
Live Happily Ever After
After you have met your soul mate, all you have to do to make this person fall in love with you is scan the picture you drew and send it as an email attachment to: tibetansoulmate@comcast.net within eleven (11) days of your first meeting (or – if it turns out your soulmate is someone you already know – within eleven (11) of receiving this message). Type the words “I Feel Pretty” in the subject line. Whatever you do, don’t lose this email address!!!
Enjoy your Soul-Mate!
