Tips for Balancing Finances and Marriage
1.Understand that money is not the only issue. Financial fracases usually involve more complex and deeper issues than money. Security, control, and power are all underlying themes when it comes to fights over finances. When money is tight, security is a very real issue, and can lead to irritations and complaints. Control and power are closely related. Ideas of who should make the decisions, or one partner constantly making purchases without consulting with the other lead to struggles over control and turn money into the currency of familial power.
2.Recognize your partner’s share in the decision-making process. You need to realize that your partner has a say in where the money goes. Money decisions should not be based on who makes the most, or who the main wage earner is. Financial decisions affect the entire family. Additionally, it is important to realize that if one partner stays home, she or he is contributing to the overall well being of the household. Just because society does not recognize a contribution because it does not have a salary attached to it does not mean that it is invalid, or that the person caring for home and children has no say in how the money should be spent.
3.Talk about financial issues. Just as any other aspect of a relationship requires communication, money matters need talking about. It is important to air your fears and hopes, as well as articulate your strengths and weaknesses with money. You should also listen to your partner and try to understand where he or she is coming from. Talk about the underlying issues that increase your financial struggles, and try to figure out, together, how to overcome these struggles. These communications should be calm in nature, and you should do as much listening as talking.
4.Create some rules. Rules establish order and often provide comfort, whether we like to admit it or not. When you set rules for spending, however, you should understand that each party will have to give in some, and that compromise is necessary. Many couples with a two-income home agree on a percentage of their wages that can be used for personal expenses. A more common solution, however, is a set dollar amount that each person can use for personal expenses every month.
Setting up a dollar amount that results in automatic consultation is also important.Outside each partner’s discretionary spending, there should be an amount of money that is indicative of a need to consult as a couple before a purchase is made. Some couples say that anything that is $25 or more requires consultation before purchase (both parties must be on board), while others set the limit as high as $500 – or more. The important thing is to set rules that both partners can live with.
5. Set common goals. Just having rules is not enough. You can increase your financial harmony by working toward common money dreams. Working together to reach goals can help you to feel more connected, and more like partners. The goals should be short term, medium term, and long term. Short-term goals like saving a little each month for a movie night or dining out give immediate rewards and are encouraging. Medium-range goals like saving up for family vacation, a new car, or a home down payment keep you focused on a reward and brings you together with mutual sacrifice. Long-term goals include things like retirement savings and making plans for when the kids are out of the house. This provides something for you to look forward to as a couple as long as you are together.
