Tips on Supporting Your Overseas Soldier, in Iraq, at War, or Anywhere
With modern technological advancements, there are more communication options than the classical “hand-written letter”: Phone calls, blogs, and emails; not to mention a quicker, more efficient mail-service that allows delivery of great products such as DVDs, home-made foods, or CDs.
Phone Calls: What the heck can we talk about?
My phone rang earlier today, and caller ID showed an unfamiliar phone number with far more than the traditional eight digits. It must be a call from out of country, which could only mean one thing: Jack was calling. It’s a strange feeling-and special – to receive a call from someone in a war-zone. Despite bombings, firefights, and whatever terrible conditions he’s dealing with, your soldier still wants to call home and hear your voice. This raises a problem though: What the heck can you talk about?
“Hello, how have you been?”
He’s in the middle of Iraq during a war. Chances are, he’s not going to say “Oh, I’m just peachy” so be prepared to hear some crazy stories. I face this problem often when I talk to Jack. Before he went to Iraq, we discussed favorite new video games, movies, and interesting upcoming parties and events. Now he’s in Iraq; how much does our subject material need to change?
The answer: It’s a fine line. He’s still my same old Jack, but he does have some new, sometimes scary, experiences to share with me. The same is true for your soldier. You may have to talk about some things you never thought you’d ever discuss with your loved one.
“Oh, I’m fine. I’ve just been working my regular, everyday job at a quiet bookstore, sipping cafÃ?© lattes and coming home just in time to watch my favorite television program. You?”
“Well, there was a morder explosion a week ago. No one was hurt, but it blew up part of my barracks, and the cookies mom sent me from home were blown up. And I got to drive the tank!”
This is actually a true conversation I’ve had with Jack. What do you say to this? Do you laugh at the irony and risk seeming patronizing? Do you moan sympathetically? It’s not exactly like you can respond, “Oh, yeah. I know how that is.”
Though you love talking to your own soldier, you may find yourself uncomfortable and wanting to hurry and end the conversation. That’s okay. It can be stressful and difficult to talk to someone you love when they’re in an environment so foreign to what you’re used to; however, I’ve found that the best response you can have to their incredible stories is just to listen. They need to unload and they need to remember that someone back home cares about them. They don’t expect you to understand fully or have clever responses: Your soldier just wants you to be there to listen.
Blogs: The new hand-written letter.
Blogs are such a great way to keep in touch with your loved one while they’re away. Even in Iraq, Jack has access to the internet and updates his blog on weekends. He posts new pictures of himself in cool, Army poses, holding a variety of weapons, wearing different uniforms, and making silly or mean faces. I look forward to his updates because I can see how he’s doing and catch a glimpse into the lighter side of life as a soldier in a war-zone.
Some blogs allow uploading of images, journal entries, and even video streams. Myspace is one such blog, and I’ve found it to be a valuable resource in keeping up with, not only Jack, but also his buddies out there with him. Several other soldiers in his unit also have Myspace accounts, and also share unique perspectives on the situation and lifestyle in Iraq. I’ve found pictures of Jack wrestling with his friends on their blogs, and stories that I may never have heard otherwise.
Myspace also allows me to communicate with Jack indirectly about my life here. I can post pictures of myself, bulletins about events I’m going to attend, and personal journal entries about my life. This allows Jack to peek into life back here in the United States, as well as see what his other friends have been doing for fun.
I highly recommend Myspace for keeping in touch with your overseas loved one. Livejournal is also a very good option. There are also specialized blogs that aim to bring together people with particular interests and hobbies. Blogwise.com is a great resource for finding the perfect blog for your and your soldier.
And, of course, there’s always e-mail and instant messages, which I use frequently also. However, these forms of contact are more personal, and don’t allow the broad view of your soldier’s life, friends, and social situation.
Creative Care-Packages: Keep shared interests in your soldier’s life.
Remember: It’s not the stone age! Soldiers have access to DVD players, computers, video games, and CDs. If you and your soldier really enjoyed an Alkaline Trio concert, send him the new Alkaline Trio CD. It gives him a dose of American pop-culture normality that he remembers from home, keeps him up-to-date, and gives you something to talk about besides the fact that his last care-package from home got blown up in a car bomb.
Sending care-packages can also bring your family together. I put together a care-package for Jack when a new movie came out on DVD that we’d both been looking forward to seeing. I knew he and his friends could watch it together, so I also sent munchies for them to share. Why support just one soldier when you can support a whole unit with something fun and entertaining? When I brought the package to my parent’s house (to borrow shipping money from them, naturally) they wanted to add their own small gifts as well. We invited Jack’s mother over to join in. My little care-package grew and grew, and my family really enjoyed putting it together. We all signed the box with our own personal messages for Jack and his friends.
Magazines, books, personal artwork, recent poetry, school research papers, scraps from a party you enjoyed, CDs, DVDs, and games all make great gifts for your soldier to enjoy and get a taste of home. Add things to spice it up, so it’s not just a box of stuff, but a picture of your life and shared interests.
A care-package is more than a gift: It’s another way of communicating with your soldier, and it’s a great way to support your loved ones who aren’t overseas, but home and missing their soldier.
So buy a yellow ribbon and tie it around your tree. Hang an American flag on your front porch. Join a social club or non-profit devoted to connecting families who share the pain of having a loved one overseas. Most importantly, though: Keep living your life, and remember that although your soldier is living an amazing journey overseas, there are many ways to support him-the best of which is just to stay in communication and remind him that you’re still there for him.
