Top Five Most Awkward Product Combos

Lets face it, sometimes you have to buy a few things that without further explanation appears to be incredibly weird. When purchasing these items, you are left wondering ‘What is this clerk thinking? What do these purchases say about me?’ This creates extreme awkwardness as the clerk nervously smiles while ringing up your weird ass purchase. I’m going to explore some of the more awkward purchases.

5. A large bottle of Smirnoff, diapers, and a can of tuna.

What the clerk thinks:
You’re a horrible parent. You spent more on alcohol than you did on diapers. What scum. The can of tuna is clearly the only source of food for the child, and you bought one can for 70 cents. I hope you die.

Why you bought them:
You went to the store to buy some Smirnoff, decided to treat your cat to some tuna, and then your friend called and needed diapers for their child. A perfectly innocent purchase.

4. A mirror, toilet paper, and a box of tampons.

What the clerk thinks:
This guy is up to no good. He’s probably going to use the mirror to watch himself while doing something horrid with the tampons. The toilet paper is probably for clean up. Freaking disgusting. I hope he doesn’t hurt himself.

Why you bought them:
You happened to need a mirror for your new place, the bathroom is so ghetto it doesn’t have one. Toilet paper is an obvious purchase, nothing special there. The tampons are for your girlfriend, its that time of the month. Nothing embarrassing about that.

3. A bottle of Jack Daniels, a bag of oranges, and band-aids.

What the clerk thinks:
This man is clearly going to get drunk and beat his kids with that bag of oranges. But why the band-aids? Clearly the oranges will smack the kids around and wont leave bruises…he must be planning to make them bleed a little bit. Sick bastard.

Why you bought them:
You love some Jack Daniels with freshly squeezed oranges, as weird as it sounds. However, you always seem to cut yourself during the juicing process, so you planned ahead and got some band-aids.

2. A bag of candy, rope, and duct tape.

What the clerk thinks:
This man is a pedophile. He’s clearly going to use the candy to lure the child into his van, and then tie them up with his rope and duct tape. I should alert the authorities!

Why you bought them:
Your kid at school got good grades and you promised him a bag of candy. The rope is to tie down a mattress you are going to pick up for a friend. The duct tape is to fix anything and everything, of course.

1. Ribbed condoms, cucumbers, and lotion.

What the clerk thinks:
Someone is going to commit some self-sodomy tonight.

Why you bought them:
The condoms are ribbed for your girlfriends pleasure, you’re a nice guy. The cucumbers are for a salad you’re preparing tonight. You bought everything else previously but forgot that she enjoyed freshly cut cucumbers. The lotion is for your chronically dry elbows. You’ve got a romantic night planned, and you don’t want to be cockblocked by dry elbows.