Tough Love: Helping a Friend Overcome Addiction

Addictions can be extremely difficult to beat and sometimes all you can do is dish out a little tough love. Often, people don’t recognize how far they’ve sunk into addiction, how much they’ve lost control of their livesâÂ?¦ it take’s a friend, a TRUE friend, to point it out.

When careful hints and blatant statements don’t work, you may try an intervention. Interventions hurt, but can be extremely effective. Pull together family and friends, so each person can explain to your friend how their addiction hurts their daily life and relationships. Try to do this with love, rather than accusation.

Once your friend has recognized their addiction, they can take steps to recover. You can help them by supporting the positive changes they make. Don’t be afraid of hurting their feelings when making suggestions – it’s ok to say “you need a meeting” or “have you talked to your sponsor lately?”

Refrain from doing things that may make your friend crave their addiction. If its smoking they’re trying to kick, don’t smoke around them, and don’t bring it up! Just the mention of a cigarette can trigger unbearable cravings. If its drink, order a pop with dinner instead of a beer. The same goes for other drugs, food, etc.

If your friend needs true “cold turkey, get dry” rehabilitation, support them in it. If finances are an issue and you can help, do. It’s important. So many people warn against giving an addict money, and this is good advice. You can still help financially; just be in control of where your money goes (i.e. not to the dealer on the corner!)

Above all, talk to your friend. Help them help themselves. See if you can’t work together to discover the root of the addiction, and to find ways of kicking the habit. Make dates – take your friend to the movies, go fishing, join a club, or the gym. Create healthy outlets and help your friend avoid old life-styles and influences.

Finally, if all else fails, point out all the true consequences and all the possibilities of what may occur if they continue down the path of their addiction. Loss of their children to the government, jail, fines, health problems (AIDS for example), DUI, loss of job, family, and friends. And the most painful one – a choice even I have had to make – the explanation that if they can not make changes to better their life and choices, the loss of your friendship.

Tough love is a hard road to travel – just try to be supportable, non-judgmental, and above all, HONEST. Be honest with yourself, as well as with your friend. And remember you can’t help them if they don’t want to be helped. Sometimes, you may have to simply let go.