Wedding Etiquette: Honor Your Wedding Guests
Your Wedding in a Social Context
In the excitement of planning your wedding, you may not have considered the importance good manners should play in the experience you provide for your wedding guests. The invitation of guests automatically places your wedding in a social context. Although the wedding is primarily about the joining together of a couple in marriage, you still must consider the comfort and well-being of your guests just as you would for any other social gathering. That means all the norms of etiquette and courtesy must be in play throughout your event and that you must take into account the special needs of any guest in your planning. Your guests will be honoring you by attending your wedding and showering you with gifts and good wishes. Good manners insist that you make your wedding guests feel as though their presence is truly special to you.
Preparing Your Guest List
It’s entirely up to you who to invite to your wedding, but the following tips may be helpful. It is only necessary to invite those with whom you have a special relationship, either by family ties or friendship. It is not necessary to invite people from your office with whom you have no connection outside the workplace. Everyone you invite should be someone you care about and whose presence will be truly meaningful to you. You should never invite someone solely to receive a gift. As to numbers, invite only as many as your budget can afford and which will allow you to be a good host or hostess in seeing to their needs.
Choosing Facilities
When choosing ceremony and reception facilities, keep in mind any guests who may have special needs. Consider whether or not you will need facilities accessible to the disabled or elderly; and don’t forget that disabled and elderly people may find it difficult to endure extreme temperatures, long walks, or long periods standing. The convenience of rest room facilities is also important. Are they readily accessible to all guests?
You will also want to consider the needs of children when selecting a facility (if you are going to invite children to your wedding). Is there a separate room where toddlers and infants can be taken to escape the noise and excitement of the festivities, or where a new mother may nurse her baby modestly?
Keep Your Guests Occupied
There is nothing worse for guests than having to wait endlessly for the wedding couple to appear at the reception. Don’t leave your guests to their own devices for more than a few minutes between activities. If you will be delayed for 15 minutes or more, keep them occupied with food and drink, good music, and some interesting materials such as scrapbooks or photo albums of the wedding couple growing up, and even wedding albums from their parents’ weddings. Provide a play area for young children, stocked with child-sized furniture, games, toys, and coloring books. Ask your DJ or another appointed person to invite the guests to partake of these opportunities while awaiting your arrival.
After you’ve arrived at the reception, keep things moving. Avoid long delays between the first toast and dance, dinner and cake cutting, dessert and bouquet tossing. Remember that the elderly and the very young will probably need to depart rather early, so try to have everything accomplished to take advantage of the largest group of guests. You don’t need to wait until your own departure to toss the garter and bouquet. Some of your guests will leave following those activities, but it is better to have them there for the event than to have them leave before.
Treat Your Guests as VIPs
From the moment your guests arrive at the ceremony to the moment they leave the reception, they should feel like the honored guests they are. You can accomplish this by making sure someone is available to greet each guest as they arrive, see to their coats, and direct them to their seats. For a large gathering, it is a good idea to provide place cards for seating. That way you can assure each guest will be sitting with someone familiar or someone you believe will be a congenial companion.
It’s a good idea to appoint someone to circulate among the guests at the reception and engage them in conversation to see if they are enjoying themselves, if they need something to eat or drink, or to help them into or out of a car. The person you appoint may be an outgoing, trusted friend or family member; or you might consider hiring a wedding day coordinator to assume this role. It will soon become apparent to your guests that they have a host or hostess available to help with every need. Of course, a person appointed to this task will only be an adjunct to the role you play. You also must circulate among your guests, inquiring as to their well-being, as you would if entertaining in your own home. Be sure to express to each guest how happy you are to have them share your special day.
A Wedding to Remember
After the whirlwind of wedding day excitement, you may not remember clearly everything that happened; but your guests will. How do you want them to remember your wedding? If you are successful in making them feel important and cared for, they’ll come away having experienced a truly remarkable day; and they’ll always remember you as a class act. That’s what I call a dream wedding.
