Wedding Planning Tips for the Groom
Planning your wedding is often the first opportunity for you and your fiancee to work on a major project as a team, and it could set the standard for your marriage. And in the spirit of such togetherness, it is only fitting that you both get equal say in wedding planning.
Traditionally, the bride has done the bulk of the planning, but not anymore. Grooms are rolling their sleeves up and taking care of their share of the wedding details.
“Wedding planning is not as one sided as it used to be,” said Elaine Trombetta, a certified wedding specialist, accredited bridal consultant and owner of Weddings by Elaine (members.aol.com/wedin1stop). “More couples are coming together and jointly sharing the responsibilities and the decisions.”
These days, it’s not out of the ordinary to find a groom involved in the whole planning process.
“He’s not an accessory; he’s a vital part,” said Edna Hall, owner of A Touch of Class, in Havana. “He doesn’t just stand at the altar, he knows exactly how it’s decorated. It’s a wise bride that includes him.”
When planning a wedding, remember that duties and responsibilities shouldn’t be broken down into gender-specific roles. Instead, you should sit down and map out a plan of action together. By making your wedding a team effort, you’ll find it more enjoyable since you’re both putting touches of your individual personalities into the celebration.
Local groom John Gilcher agrees. He and his bride, Heather, made the planning of their Nov. 18, 2000 wedding a joint venture.
“Heather was very open minded and it ended up helping both of us in the long run,” he said. “It made the wedding a lot more meaningful for me.”
Hit the books
Get things started by doing your homework. There are tons of wedding magazines and books out there with ideas, tips and advice on planning your wedding together.
“I think grooms look at brides magazines more than we think,” said Hall.
Several titles have been created just for grooms to take the mystery out of the whole wedding process. A few selections to check out are:
*The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Being a Groom, by Jennifer Lata and Mark Rung (Alpha Books, 1999)
* The Groom’s Survival Manual, by Michael R. Perry (Pocket Books, 1991)
*What the Hell is a Groom and What’s He Supposed to Do?, by John Mitchell (Andrews & McMeel, 1999)
You can also find wedding books to read together. Surviving Your Wedding: A His and Her Guide, by Wendy and David Hubbert (Berkley Books, 2000) teaches the fine art of compromise by breaking various wedding topics with short alternating chapters that discuss both “his” and “her” points of view.
The Internet also is a wonderful tool for couples working together to plan their dream wedding. Computer wedding planning software can make being an organized bride and groom a reality. Another good idea is to pick the brains of your newlywed friends. Since they just planned their own nuptials, they’ve already done much of the necessary legwork. They can tell you where to get the best deals, which vendors are the best and which locations to avoid.
Lists, lists and more lists
After you’ve done your research, make lists. Making lists is one of the most efficient way of keeping track of the many wedding details. The first task is to rank wedding elements by importance. Each of you should separately categorize things from most important to least important. As the groom, what stands out to you: the reception, the music or maybe your honeymoon? Have your bride do the same. Compare your lists and merge them into one so you each know where your priorities lie.
One of the best ways to split responsibility is to deal with the items that you are the most interested in. Maybe you have a love of photography and are fairly knowledgeable about music. Your bride-to-be knows flowers and fashion. It seems fitting that you, as the groom, handle the legwork associated with picking a photographer and musicians, while your fiancee deals with the florist and figuring out what everyone is going to wear. Final decisions should involve both of you, but dividing the workload is sure to make things easier.
“Whatever the man does best, that’s what he should be focused on doing,” said Lee Parker, who married Karen Parker on Aug. 19, 2000 at Bethel Missionary Baptist Church.
Get involved
“The groom’s role is not just financial, they have an actual voice in the planning,” Hall said. “The grooms that we have seen have participated in every aspect of the planning, even into what the bride’s dress looks like.”
In the planning of his wedding, Parker saw his role as that of the organizer. “I left the desires to her and I just tweaked the details,” he said. “If Karen wanted green dresses (for the bridesmaids), I made sure we had all green dresses, on time and the way she wanted.”
While there are many different ways that you can get involved in the planning aspect of your wedding, listed below are some ideas on what you can do to make the process go a little smoother.
* Picking the ceremony and reception locations.
* Interviewing and booking the vendors, such as the photographer, videographer, caterer and florist.
* Organizing the names and addresses for the guest list.
* Planning the menu, ordering the alcohol and picking the wedding cake.
* Choosing the tuxedos for male members of the wedding party.
* Arranging for transportation to the ceremony, reception and after all the festivities are over.
* Selecting the officiant.
* Writing the vows.
* Shopping for the rings.
* Selecting the gifts for the wedding party and his bride.
* Planning the rehearsal dinner with his parents.
* Picking music selections with the disc jockey.
* Booking the honeymoon trip.
* Picking up the marriage license.
* Helping out-of-town guests with their travel arrangements.
* Registering for wedding gifts.
