Wedding Story
Margot forgot the flowers. It was really my fault, I forgot that she gave me that assignment and she decided to get married a one week ago, not because she loved Kevin but because she suddenly realized her biological clock was ticking too fast and she wanted to reproduce her type of dazzling specie. Or that was what she declared anyway after she read that at about forty, it becomes a lot more difficult to give birth.
Kevin was the most available single guy, he sold fruits at the Milwaukee market and Margot was into a fruit diet. That was when their romance started, when Kevin told her “you got great boobs like healthy papayas”. Of course, aside from fruits they also shared other common interests, they both were into the anti-meat advocacy because it was cruel to devour living creatures with a sense of intelligent consciousness.
Thus, I thought it was one of her fruitcake declarations when she called to say “I’m marrying Kevin next week, you take care of the flowers because I have to make sure that I have more time for the menu. I want a tofu for the main dish maybe with miso soup and an array of salads”. It was also my fault because Kevin had been always there – much a part of our lives as the market. I never viewed Kevin as a “love interest “, much as I wouldn’t think anyone could marry a furniture that is just THERE. Get what I mean?
It was two days later when I got a call from Rev. Hayes of the St. Luke’s Parish. “Hello, I heard you were the bridesmaid and I want to express concern about the motif… wouldn’t it be rather in bad taste to have grapes with the flower decor but the green ribbons for the pews are alright. I was just wondering what the guests would think with grapes and flowersâÂ?¦ “. That was when I knew I had forgotten to get the flowers. It was also the first time I realized my sister was serious.
I immediately called the Grand Avenue Flower Shop and explained,” I need flowers… oh yes, the usual ones, roses maybe would be great and it goes with any sort of traditional or non-traditional wedding… yes, can you do the decorating at the Church…?”
There, I thought that was over until there was the usual wedding rehearsal two hours before the real wedding (because Kevin says it was bad luck to have to practice a wedding except on the same day) and I was aghast to see that most of the other bridesmaids were wearing dresses that weren’t silk but rather cotton dresses with fruit prints. It reminded me that they looked like waitresses of some Tropical Fruit restaurant. It was definitely weird because it made me forgot that I was inside a Church.
Margot first arrived wearing a gown made of pineapple fiber she explained. It was a light pink gown which admittedly looked good on her , even made her look like a princess. Of course, just in case I didn’t know, she explained. “This is what you call pina fabric. It is made from finest pineapple strands and it can feel rather scratchy and it may look stiff but it’s one of the most expensive fabrics in the world, even beats silk!”. I had the strangest urge to laugh because though the gown was alright, I couldn’t help thinking “okay, pineapples and fruit prints, but this looks more like a Hawaiian punch party.”
Kevin, “the furniture’, soon was there wearing a long sleeved Indonesian type “Batik” printed with bananas. I tried to occupy myself m counting the little bananas on his clothes until Margot interrupted me . “Did you get the flowers?” I replied “Of course, I got the best roses and told them to fix this all up ….”
“What? Roses? They don’t go well with our grapes”, she screamed.
Kevin, who probably felt he needed to express an opinion to assure me he was human said, “Roses are alright but they really wouldn’t go well with the grapes and fruit motif, you see, I also believe that anything with thorns is a kind of defense mechanism that calls means, do not touch us… it’s a way the flowers tell us that they are living things too and should not be despitefully used….blah blah blah”.
Then the Reverend interrupted the dissent of the flowers lecture by announcing.” The delivery is here… we have the bridesmaids hats… or.. uh… head gear…”. I blurted out in laughter when I saw that only the bridesmaids had to wear lady’s hats indeed accented by violet sequins of what look like little grapes!
“See what I mean when I said that your roses do not fit my motif?” my crazy sister chided.
That was when she decided to pick up flowers from the churchyard and had a screaming match with the poor gardener. She shouted, “What do you expect me to do now? I would rather have lavender flowers or dandelions as a simple bouquet rather than red roses… it’s not in my motif…. these are a lot simpler and they are a lot more neutral flowers”. I had no idea what “neutral” flowers meant. In fact, I had no idea what anything she was saying really meant.
It was the Reverend Hayes who gave his nod anyway and the gardener left her alone after calling her a nut case.
Margot and Kevin were married anyway. Nevermind if her bridesmaids looked like fruit-bearers. Kevin looked stiff as a mahogany tree and the Reverend Hayes was obviously uncomfortably sweating.
They has the oddest wedding rites that could have made the Guiness:
They declared their pledges to each other as the song “Bless the Beast and the Children was sang by one of Margot’s karaoke-crazed friends”.
I, Kevin, take you Margot as my wife, in sickness and in death, in health and fortune, with all my gentle consciousness, renouncing all violence against all living things and pledging I will love you as long as I live. I plead to Mother nature to keep us together and call only all the gentle forces of the universe to witness this day that we become one.”
I, Margot, take you Kevin as my husband, to have and to hold, to in sickness and health till death do us part. I likewise pledge to you my love renouncing forever any violence against any living thing, as I call on the beauty of nature, the gentle creatures of the air, the trees and their fruits and all humans gathered here to witness this declaration of our love. May we be as fruitful as the trees as we go on our peaceful gentle journey of our lives together as one.
The reception seemed to go great because everyone was glad that the ceremony was over and the Miso soup did taste great with beet and potato salad, Tofu chicken flavored steaks, vermicelli noodles topped with tomato sauce, garlic and olives. The food was admittedly awesome.Even the Asparagus and Carrot four- tired wedding cake seemed like a work of culinary art!
Pepito, Kevin’s Mexican friend, then arrived, he got out of his SUV hugged Kevin and said ” Amigo, I am so sorry I was late for the wedding but I did bring you something to make up for it… it is the best in almost all the biggest Mexican fiestas! “
He went back to his van and shouted, “Can anyone help me bring down the roasted calf?”
I could not figure out why Margot filed for divorce a month after they were married, but I think it was because of that. Or maybe, now that she’s pregnant, she no longer needs a husband? But that wedding was the talk of the town for three years after it happened!
