Weird Laws on Public Nudity in Vermont, Brain Surgeons in Pennsylvania, & Massage Therapists in Lindstrom, Minnesota

I always write my column on Weird Laws the week before it is due. I generally find this keeps me thinking about all that qualifies as weird and gives me time to think. As usual, this week is no different as there are always plenty of weird laws to go around. However, as I was editing today with the television going in the background, though I knew it and had been thinking about this date for weeks, the reality sat in that it had been 5 years since a handful of misguided fanatics hijacked a few airplanes and in a cowardly terrorist act killed thousands and forever changed our American way of life. People will question, people will criticize, people will complain, but all that goes on in, the good and the bad (even the weird laws that bring us this column!) is possible because we live in the greatest country in the world. Yes, sometimes the weird laws give us some problem, but as you read this, take a moment and remember those that died five years ago, their families, the brave soldiers who have given their lives in the War on Terror, the soldiers on the front line, their families and all of those whose lives were forever changed on that September morning.

Now, for an update from the world of weird laws.

The criminals are at it again. Apparently we have brain surgeons in Pennsylvania and their escapades qualify for inclusion in the weird laws. Two men were coming back from a night on the town when their car was observed weaving down the road. Being it was at night, the police immediately expected a drunk driver. Well, we find out that they were generally right; however, they likely didn’t expect to find a designated driver in the mix. Now before you start to think that the designated driver was the one who was intoxicated, remember I am bringing you tales from the world of weird laws. The police found a designated driver behind the wheel; however, he was busy eating a giant sub sandwich using both hands. The passenger admitted that he had been driving from the passenger seat and was the reason for the weaving. The police administered sobriety and breath tests to both men. The passenger was nearly three times the legal limit. The sub eating driver? He was completely sober. The police didn’t charge him, instead opting to charge his friend with DUI. I wonder if they let the designated driver finish his sandwich before they let him go?

When you start to look around at the goings on in the world of weird laws, you find a lot of things that make you realize people have a lot of time on their hands. For instance, apparently the State of Vermont doesn’t have any laws, not even weird laws, prohibiting public nudity. A few towns have banned public nudity, but most don’t seem to care if you wear clothes. Currently one town is experiencing a surge, as it were, in public nudity. In Brattleboro, Vermont public nudity has not been unusual, but is has usually been subtle – the occasional protest, or bare breast. However, earlier this summer, a woman decided to sit naked on a park bench. Then a woman started taking her top off downtown. A summer festival celebrating nudity saw a number of nude hula hoopers. Then the nude teenagers started showing up and just, well, hanging out around stores, parking lots and coffee shops. Some residents don’t seem to mind, but others feel it gives the town a bad image. The teenagers don’t really see the big deal as they have said they are just exercising their rights under the law. Town leaders have begun to take a serious look at the law, or the absence of one. So in the future everyone may have to keep their clothes on in Brattleboro. Leave it to a few bad apples to ruin it for all of us! However, many in the town are hopeful that the coming of winter will cure the problem until next spring.

Finally our weekly journey through the latest in weird laws takes us to Lindstrom, Minnesota where a simple marriage ceremony has cast the spotlight on a truly weird law. In Minnesota, it is illegal for a massage therapist to have sex with a former client for a period of two years after the termination of the massage therapist-client relationship. There are no exceptions, not even for consent. However, what makes this qualify for entry into the world of weird laws is that even if the massage therapist and former client marry they can’t have sex. A massage therapist and her former client married only to have the client’s ex-wife report the pair and involve the state. Now the massage therapist is in jeopardy of losing her license and faces potential criminal penalties. Talk about hell having no fury like a woman scorned. The attorney for the massage therapist has said that the state acted improperly in enacting the law, but for now, the happy couple has to wait until they can legally enjoy a full marital relationship. So a word for the wise – if you see an attractive massage therapist, propose, then if they say yes, you’ll have nothing to worry about.

Thanks again for stopping by and spending a little time in the world of weird laws. They are out there everywhere so keep an eye out!