What Does Your Body Say About You?
Think it doesn’t matter? Think again. Whether you’re in business and must meet and greet, or just socializing, what your body is saying is sometimes more important than words. It could mean the difference between getting that great new job, or losing out over and over. Or the difference between a great date and a social disaster.
Did you know that 93% of our communication on a daily basis is non-verbal? Only 7% is verbal. So what you don’t know about body language can hurt you.
Have you ever met someone and felt an instant dislike for him or her, without knowing why? You can’t put your finger on it, but there was just something about them that rubbed you the wrong way. You can call it a hunch or a gut feeling, but it’s more than that. Your reaction was directly related to their body language, you just didn’t know it.
Your subconscious picked it up, those subtle little clues that told you things were not as they seemed. Their words sounded sincere, but you felt you’d been lied to. The clues to what a person is really feeling are all there, you just have to learn to decode them.
The first clue to what someone is really thinking or feeling can be found in the eyes. Looking the person in the eye shows them that you respect them enough to pay attention to what they’re saying. You’re interested in them and it shows. It’s important not to just stare or you’ll make them nervous. Put some expression in your face and slightly tilt your head to one side or the other. This shows interest in what they’re saying.
Watch the expression on their face too. Do they purse their lips, as if disapproving of something you’ve said? Or they could just be thinking very carefully about your comments.
Ever been talking to someone who constantly checks his or her watch, or seems to be in another world? It makes you feel as if you’re taking up their valuable time and they’d rather be anywhere but there, talking to you.
The angle of the body also says a lot. Leaning towards a person says we think they are interesting and that they seem friendly. Holding yourself away from them says just the opposite. If you cross your arms over your chest, you seem defensive and closed off. Your message is go away, and leave me alone. The distance between you and the person you’re speaking to is important too. Too close and they’ll feel crowded and overwhelmed; too far away and you will seem standoffish and unfriendly. Pick a happy medium.
How about your handshake? Believe it or not, this is an important part of the whole non-verbal communication. We’ve all experienced the limp as a wet noodle kind of handshake. Or the person who offers you a couple of fingers to shake. What are they afraid of? And of course, there’s always the person who thinks it’s a contest of strength and practically challenges you to a game of arm wrestling. Keep it simple. Reach out and grasp their hand firmly, but don’t try to break their fingers. Give it a single shake, then release; no need to keep pumping their arms. At the same time, smile, look them in the eye and tell them it’s a pleasure to meet them.
When standing or sitting and speaking with someone, try not to fidget. Lay your hands in your lap, if you’re sitting down. When standing, let your arms hang at your sides. Don’t play with your jewelry, or clasp your hands together nervously.
It sounds like a lot to remember, but you’ll get the hang of it and learn to relax and enjoy this non-verbal communications thing. And by paying attention to the other person, you’ll soon learn to decode what they’re really saying to you.
So, stand up straight, look them in the eye, smile, shake their hand and be interested in that person. If you take the time to make them feel relaxed and comfortable, it will make all the difference in your verbal and non-verbal communications. Make sure your body says nice things about you.
