Why I Love Redneck Culture
It never ceases to amaze me how the smallest things in life can ‘do it’ for these folks. Take your Sonic Route 44 sweet tea with lemon; that’s the best bargain since BP’s 3/1.00 hotdogs. There’s nothing better to a redneck than a lazy afternoon with sweet tea, hotdogs, and NASCAR.
Just why are rednecks such NASCAR enthusiasts anyway? It’s not just the men who are enthralled with it, either. I have two redneck sisters who won’t leave the house on Sunday until the race is over. One roots for Jeff Gordon, the other for Tony Stewart. The sad part is they’ve brainwashed my nieces and nephews, and now they’re little redneck NASCAR fans, too. Will the madness never cease?
Small things we wouldn’t pay attention to really make a redneck’s day. Give them a bowl of beans with a slice of tomato on the side for supper and a cold beer for dessert – and they’re happy. The dogs brawling over a ham bone in the front yard really gets their blood pumping. The redneck women are happy with a bottle of Charley perfume, blue frosted eye shadow, and Friday nights at the karaoke bar. Redneck kids will do anything for a moon pie, Pepsi, and a trip to the carnival at the Big Lots parking lot.
Even though I don’t understand rednecks, they sure come in handy as neighbors. They’ll fix your broken truck, send you a meal if you’re sick, and they’ll even buy you something at the flea market on your birthday. More importantly, having a redneck neighbor can make you feel safe. If the sight of Billy Bob sitting on his porch cleaning his Smith & Wesson doesn’t scare off an intruder, then all his dogs will.
Despite their all-around friendliness, there are a few things you have to watch out for if you have a redneck neighbor. First of all, men, don’t ever look at their women-folk. They can take your simple “Howdy” and turn it into something you’d see on Jerry Springer. Don’t make the mistake of removing the beer or RC cans from their yard for recycling; they can get mighty riled when they don’t have anything for target practice. Lastly, don’t ever underestimate their love of country music. They take it real personal if you knock Hank Jr., David Alan Coe, or Merle. Why, those men are as sacred to them as the Stars and Stripes, Mama, and the Bible.
I was born and bred in east Tennessee. Even though my son has a mullet, I smoke Marlboro reds, my husband has 32 wife-beaters, and my daughter knows every Tanya Tucker song by heart, I have never considered myself a redneck. You see, I drew the line a long time ago when I decided no more than five dogs in the house, no whoopin’ the kids with my flip flop in front of the K-Mart, and absolutely no Spam on Easter.
Written by Dee Dee Nicolosi
