World Cup News: The United States Warns Germany of Sex Trade

In one of the strangest bits of news that I have come across, well, ever; the United States has formally warned Germany to watch out for violations in regards to the international sex slave trade during this summer’s World Cup tournament.

What?

Perhaps I am naÃ?¯ve; and when it comes to international news and world politics of any kind I, admittedly, am. I had no idea that the trade of sex slaves still existed, but apparently it’s a fairly thriving industry in Asia and parts of Germany. Prostitution is legal in Germany (I think I knew this); making it prime real estate for the international sex trade. And a Germany featuring the World Cup; well, that’s what they call sex slave gold.

I’m not sure what this has to do with America; unless they fear that some of our soccer players will be sold into the trade, but that doesn’t seem logical. I mean, there’s a lot of fucking problems in the world; do we really have to get involved with all of them?

Time out. The idea of sex slaves and a sex trade and international conspiracies involving both; I just, I just find all of this shocking. People are actually being sold into sexual slavery? This notion is so perverse; I feel dirty even typing these words. I guess these people are being forced into this shit against their will (the whole slave part of the equation gave that away, duh); it seems so primitive though. I mean, I would like a sex slave and all but I would want her to be into it; I don’t see the fun in having a sex slave who was slaving against their will. Alright, I just had to get that off my chest. Time in.

So why is the US getting involved with this? Bottom line, I have no idea. All I know is that Condoleezza Rice has publicly commented on it; saying something like (and I’m not actually quoting), “it’s a big fucking problem; we hope Germany does the right thing.” Shit, I am so confused.

I actually think this has been some sort of elaborate plot to make Americans care about the World Cup. It’s like McDonald’s bought a lot of American ad time on ABC and ESPN and they just now realized that Americans don’t fucking care about soccer. So they paid off the government to make up all this shit about a sex trade and sex slaves, because they’re smart; they know that anything kooky about sex will grab hold of America’s attention.

Yeah, this has got to be a conspiracy. There’s no sex trade.

What day is the first World Cup game?