X-Men: The Last Stand – a Quick Movie Review

I judge a film by its opening credits. Based on this criterion, I immediately deemed X-Men: The Last Stand to be bland and uninspired. After passing said judgement, I figured I should go ahead and watch the rest since I’d actually paid money for the tickets. I mean, the slight possibility that I might be wrong did exist.

Of all people, I should know I can’t be wrong. Here are some brief examples of risible moments in the movie.

A bright blue, werewolf-like Frasier Crane stuffed into a suit attending a presidential meeting; a crybaby with wings who suddenly decides to jump out of a window; a bald professor explaining that Jean Grey survived her demise via a “telekinetic energy cocoon” (cheap sci-fi babble!); Jean’s cheesy rebirth as Phoenix and subsequent floaty rocks; a mobile Golden Gate bridge.

I’ll stop here.

The story posits a potent problem. A cure has been discovered for mutation. Now, will the mutants decide to change who they are to conform to society? Issues of loneliness and belonging are also seeded throughout the movie, but it never examines them closely enough. For example, Rogue spouts the same “I wanna be touched” dialogue from the previous movies and makes a choice to rectify her situation – but we never see the consequences of the choice. Wolverine, for the third time, has to decide to become part of the team – which leads only to a lame pep-talk about ‘standing up and fighting’ (I’m certain I’ve heard those words somewhere before …).

What about Jean, though? Earlier in the movie, there is the beginning of a good debate regarding Jean’s “treatment.” Wolverine argues that Professor X didn’t give her a choice. But, then, neither does he at the end – even though there were many options for Jean just laying around the battlefield. Her need to belong was not resolved. The filmmakers elected melodrama.

Magneto had the most fun, as usual. It was, at least, thought provoking to watch him mutate into a power-mad terrorist – the very being he despises, the reason he instigated his war. But even Magneto had to try too hard to make uninspired dialogue and extravagant dialogue worth watching.

In the end, the Last Stand of the X-Men became just another action movie. Granted, these characters are more interesting than most action stars, but they were bland given their potential. Plus, we’ve already seen them do all the things they do in this movie. The mutants are simply mediocre now, their story lacks substance. The filmmakers must have been given the “cure.”